Life is open

Quick hello i've been very busy

2010-11-20T12:17:00.000-05:00

Things have been super busy. I'm trying to get back to remembering to be present.

Be well, take care, until next time; Enjoy Jim Carrey sharing his satori story.....

Entheogen

2010-11-01T23:20:00.000-04:00

Very interesting. I don't know how long they'll have this video up, but here it is.

very short quote continued from last post

2010-07-10T22:49:00.001-04:00

“What we are looking for is what is looking.”----St. Francis of Assisi

Advaita Vedanta and Zen; THAT WHICH SEES and HEARS

2010-07-01T19:04:00.000-04:00

Ramana Maharshi's Maha_Yoga pdf file contained this quote:

Page 105: The Sage tells him that the real Self is the source of the ego, and should be sought and found, if he would have fullness of Life.

The Zen Master Bassui quotes:

"..keep asking with all your strength, What is it that hears?"

"To realize your own Mind you must first of all look into the source from which thoughts flow."

"Realization of the self-nature is the sole cure for all (mind) illness. Do not rely on any other remedy. Find the subject which casts the shadows, it is the very source of all Buddhas."

"What kind of master is it that this very moment sees colours with the eyes and hears voices with the ears, that now raises the hands and moves the feet?"

http://sriramanamaharshi.org/Allpub_demo.html
The below quote is from page 17 of 29, from Maharshi's Glimpses of life...pdf:

"The phenomena we see are curious and surprising — but
the most marvelous thing of it all we do not realise and that
is that one, and only one, illimitable force is responsible for:-
(a) All the phenomena we see,
(b) The act of our seeing them.
Do not fix your attention on all these changing things of
life, death, and phenomena. Do not think of even the actual
act of seeing them or perceiving them but only of that which
sees all these things. That which is responsible for it all. This
will seem nearly impossible at first, but by degrees the result
will be felt. It takes years of steady, daily practice, but that is
how a Master is made. Give yourself a quarter of an hour a
day. Keep your eyes open, and try to keep the mind unshakenly
fixed on That Which Sees. It is inside yourself. Do not expect
to find that “That” is something definite on which the mind
can be fixed easily; it will not be so. Though it takes years to
find that “That” the results of this concentration will soon
show themselves — in four or five months’ time — in all
sorts of unconscious clairvoyance, in peace of mind, in power
to deal with troubles, in power all round — always
unconscious power. I have given you this teaching in the same
words as the Masters give it to their intimate chelas. From
now onwards let your whole thought in meditation be not on
the act of seeing nor on what you see, but immovably on That
Which Sees."

BP Slick Covers Dolphins and Whales.mov

2010-06-30T23:09:00.000-04:00

Here's two Jiddu Krishnamurti quotes on meditation

2010-06-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

Trying to become something else

The very awareness of "what is" is a liberative process. So long as we are unaware of what we are and are trying to become something else, so long will there be distortion and pain. The very awareness of what I am brings about transformation and the freedom of understanding.

The Collected Works, Vol. IV - 75

------------------------------------------------

I must love the very thing I am studying

The "what is" is what you are, not what you would like to be; it is not the ideal because the ideal is fictitious, but it is actually what you are doing, thinking, and feeling from moment to moment. "What is" is the actual, and to understand the actual requires awareness, a very alert, swift mind. But if we begin to condemn what is, if we begin to blame or resist it, then we shall not understand its movement. If I want to understand somebody, I cannot condemn him - I must observe, study him. I must love the very thing I am studying. If you want to understand a child, you must love and not condemn him. You must play with him, watch his movements, his idiosyncrasies, his ways of behaviour; but if you merely condemn, resist, or blame him, there is no comprehension of the child. Similarly, to understand what is, one must observe what one thinks, feels, and does from moment to moment. That is the actual. Any other action, any ideal or ideological action is not the actual - it is merely a wish, a fictitious desire to be something other than what is.

So to understand what is requires a state of mind in which there is no identification or condemnation, which means a mind that is alert and yet passive...

The Collected Works, Vol. V - 50

BOTH FROM:

=== JKrishnamurti.org - Daily Quote ===

Joe Rogan is a Seeker too

2010-06-27T00:06:00.000-04:00

LANGUAGE - NSFW(not safe for work)

Shunryu Suzuki November 30 1966

2010-06-21T21:42:00.000-04:00

""Dogen-zenji said, “You should establish your practice in your delusion.” Even though you think you are in delusion but there is your pure mind. So, if you realize the pure mind in your delusion that is practice. If your have the pure mind, the essential mind, in your delusion – delusion will vanish. It cannot stay when you say, this is delusion. He will be very much ashamed of it. He will run away. So you should establish your practice in your delusion. To have delusion is practice. “To attain enlightenment before you realize it.” So you will attain enlightenment before you realize it. Even though you do not realize it, you have it. So, when you say ‘This is delusion’ that is enlightenment. But when you try to expel the delusion it will stay and your mind will become busier and busier to cope with the delusion you have. That is not so good.

Just say, ‘this is delusion’. That is enough and don’t be bothered by it – ‘oh, this is just delusion’. When you see delusion you have your true mind – calm, peaceful mind. When you start to cope with it you will be involved in delusion. So, when you sit, whether you attain enlightenment or not – just to sit is enough. When you try to attain enlightenment, then you have big burden in your mind. So your mind will not be clear enough to see things as they are.""

http://suzukiroshi.sfzc.org/dharma-talks/?p=552

the baboon won't let go of the pebble

2010-06-12T13:29:00.006-04:00

A few years ago, I saw this National Geographic type of show where a hunter in Africa or Asia tricked a baboon into trapping itself. I thought this was amazing. The hunter found a huge termite mound (i think that's what it was), and put a pebble into one of the small holes. The baboon saw this, and when the hunter got far enough away, the baboon went over and stuck his hand in the hole grabbing the pebble. Only, its fist was too big to pull out with the pebble in hand. So, the baboon was stuck. As the hunter approaches, the baboon struggles to become free, but cannot do so....even though all it has to do is let go. The hunter had tricked the baboon into trapping itself. This is a powerful analogy for us about "clinging." Also, it's about letting go.

So, anyway.....i thought this was a good analogy to share. I write to myself as much, if not more than anyone. Cheers!!

Alan Watts & Chögyam Trungpa - Right Here And Now

2010-06-10T20:30:00.000-04:00

At the beginning of time, there was just that moment. There was NO past yet.....therefore, the past is a result of the present moment. At the beginning of time, it was now [then], and its still NOW.

Dogen said, "Time goes from present to the past." It's a revolutionary way of approaching life.....and quite a challenge in trying something like this in our culture. Cheers!!!

the oil spill

2010-05-12T18:24:00.000-04:00

Just had to vent a little bit about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It is such a shame of what's going to happen to the wildlife there. We forget that our relationship to the land, to the water, to the oceans..we are connected to what happens. When we don't respect our land, our environment, we don't respect ourselves....and the land/environment won't take care of us back. The land is a garden, and if we don't take care of it........it won't produce what we need...whether its fruit/veggies...or oxygen...or fish....or coral....or important chemicals to treat cancers, among other diseases. If we don't take care of it.....we aren't taking care of ourselves.

I don't have much more to say, but if you do, please share your thoughts. Thanks.

Hello from the road

2010-03-15T00:16:00.005-04:00

I've been quite busy lately. Trying to find work, working, and trying to start a relationship. I hope everyone is well. When I get a good chance, I'll sit down and catch up with everyone.
Until then, i guess....here's some stuff I've been thinking about:

The Buddha sits on top of the lotus flower. The mud supports and nourishes the lotus flower that the buddha sprouts from. Let us embrace everything in our lives....the good, the terrible, the unthinkable.....all of it is an opportunity. Let us not forget this for our own sake, and for the sake of others. We can be an example to the young ones. You can be the buddha on top of the lotus. So can your enemy. We all have the capacity for both good and also not good............and awakening from both. Become a master of yourself........while you enjoy this existence. "Play serious..." as Bruce Lee would've said. ;)

This is from "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching" by Thich Nhat Hanh:
"When you realize your own capacity to be happy anywhere, you can put down roots in the present moment. You can take whatever the conditions of the present moment are and make them the foundation of your life and happiness. When the sun is shining, you are happy. When it is raining, you are also happy. You don't need to go anywhere else. You don't need to travel into the future or return to the past."

In a way the practice is to realize that there is no path to happiness.......happiness is the path to itself in the present moment(the present moment is the only time there is at any given moment). Just like the saying, no path to peace, peace is the path. We're creating our realities in each moment by choosing to keep patterns, or create new ones by choosing to be happy in each moment. It can be a fresh kind of happiness.

From the Gospel of Thomas(Jesus spoke about the PRESENT MOMENT):

90 Jesus said, "Come to me, for my yoke is comfortable and my lordship is gentle, ² and you will find rest for yourselves."

91 They said to him, "Tell us who you are so that we may believe in you."

²He said to them, "You examine the face of heaven and earth, but you have not come to know the one who is in your presence, and you do not know how to examine the present moment."

I think most people who've lived long enough, can appreciate letting go of old thought patterns. It is a relief.....the sense of happiness already comes back....that sense of freedom from clinging to an idea or concept we had of our selves or our lives....or even someone else or a situation.

Letting go and/or acceptance of "what already is" both seem to be the hardest to learn in life. At least for myself. Even though I don't study only one type of religion or philosophy......as i get older, I see that Buddhism is similar to "old timers philosophies." If you ever listen to older folks, they've got old sayings that get to the heart of life's struggles and how to keep yourself happy on your journey. They didn't ever study buddhism or any eastern philosophy........but anyone who's lived long enough and thought/reflected enough about their life, will have something useful to help you in your life. That, to me....is what buddhism is. It is just down to earth stuff that you can partially get from your grandparents, great grandparents and so on. It can go deeper.....but that's up to us to journey there. Anything that helps us in life is useful and ought to be considered. The best stuff is the stuff we learn on our own and then reflect on how others have went through something similar. When we know we're not alone in sharing an experience.........it doesn't make us feel alone or like an alien.

I wish you all well on your paths and send bundles of good thoughts/energy your way. Take it easy.

Cheers

The ever-brilliant jewel of awakened heart

2010-02-14T16:47:00.000-05:00

Excerpted from the chapter "The Love That Will Not Die"
from "When Things Fall Apart"
by Pema Chodron

In the midst of loneliness, in the midst of fear. In the middle of feeling misunderstood and rejected is the heartbeat of all things - the genuine heart of sadness.

Just as a jewel that has been buried in the Earth for a million years is not discolored or harmed, in the same way this noble heart is not affected by all of our kicking and screaming. The jewel can be brought out into the light at any time and it will glow as brilliantly as if nothing had ever happened.

No matter how committed we are to unkindness, selfishness or greed, the genuine heart of bodhicitta cannot be lost. It is here in all that lives, never marred and completely whole.

We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is we only become more fearful, more hardened, and more alienated. We experience ourselves as being separate from the whole. This separateness becomes like a prison for us, a prison that restricts us to our personal hopes and fears, and to caring only for the people nearest to us.

Curiously enough if we primarily try to shield ourselves from discomfort, we suffer. Yet, when we don't close off and let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all beings.

His Holiness The Dalai Lama describes two kind of selfish people - the wise and the unwise. Unwise selfish people only think of themselves, and the result is confusion and pain. Wise selfish people know that the best thing they can do for themselves is to be there for others. As a result they experience joy.

When we see a woman and her child begging on the street, when we see a man mercilessly beating his terrified dog, when we see a teenager who has been badly beaten, or see fear in the eyes of a child, do we turn away because we can't bear it? Most of us probably do.

Someone needs to encourage us not to brush aside what we feel. Not to be ashamed of the love and grief that it arouses in us. Not to be afraid of pain.

Someone needs to encourage us that this soft spot in us could be awakened and that to do this would change our lives.

The practices of Tonglen, sending and receiving, is designed to awaken bodhicitta. To put us in touch with genuine noble heart. It is a practice of taking in pain, and sending out pleasure, and therefore completely turns around our well-established habit of doing just the opposite.

Tonglen is a practice of creating space. Ventilating the atmosphere of our lives, so that people can breathe freely and relax. Whenever we encounter suffering in any form, the Tonglen instruction is to breathe it in with the wish that everyone could be free of pain. Whenever we encounter happiness in any form, the instruction is to breathe it out, send it out with the wish that everyone could feel joy.

It a practice that allows people to feel less burdened and less cramped, a practice that shows us how to love without conditions.

Thich Nhat Hanh Links and a video

2010-02-13T00:35:00.003-05:00

Thich Nhat Hanh (tick not hawn) is a very useful resource for anyone whether they're interested in Buddhism OR NOT. He compliments just about everything I've already read or learned in Eastern Philosophy & Buddhism, and adds very practical/useful practices for one's daily living........even if you're not into Buddhism per se.
For Mp3's and Video Dharma Talks: http://www.plumvillage.org/dharma-talks.html (look to the right)
Also: http://tnhaudio.org/
***On these audio pages, look for English OR English translation. He does talks in several languages.

NPR picks up on Brit Hume, Tiger Woods and Buddhism story

2010-01-08T01:32:00.000-05:00

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122314139

Click "Listen" at the top for 9 minute interview with Buddhist blogger.
OR try this:
http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=122314139&m=122314297

Beginner's Mind video

2010-01-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

Pema Chödrön videos

2009-12-15T18:05:00.003-05:00

Put on your "leather shoes." [Check out her other Youtube vids. Enjoy!!]

Ram Dass interviews Thich Nhat Hanh

2009-12-01T21:55:00.004-05:00

His name is pronounced, "Tick-Not-Hawn."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZKrl5n79hY

Look for the talks in English. June 29th 2008 has two really good talks.
http://www.langmai.org/pub/

ghostwriter I and nature's board game EDITED

2009-12-01T20:43:00.015-05:00

Thought Ghostwriter creating the "I" = "man behind the curtain" (wizard of oz reference)
Our thoughts are the ghostwriter for the symbol/idea we have of ourselves. Even the idea we have of ourselves is written by one of the many incarnations of the "thought ghostwriter." Only, if you have an experience during meditation or have a psychedelic experience, you may find that the "man behind the curtain" is just another curtain of thought itself. Living in our culture, it becomes really difficult to keep these insights close enough to remind oneself to stay on the path. That's why its important to have people you can talk with, chat with online or send emails......OR write & post index cards up on your wall as I mentioned in my last post. We need reminders in this game we're plugged into. Just remember......try to relax, don't panic, remain calm, keep breathing, have a good time, enjoy yourselves, ENJOY YOUR STAY. :)

Nature's Board Game getting out of hand
(from an email I sent to a friend-edited for blog)
It's like society itself is a game where we all agree on the rules of engagement and jump in when we feel like it. It's all a part of nature....but I think those who wake up from it, no matter how much....and realize they have a responsibility, these people share the responsibility of being the "anti-virus" of thought/emotion/action coding[in nature]. Maybe even as an "anti-biotic" to the thought viruses already in progress in our collective consciousness. "How" is the big question. It might just be a matter of mindfulness and being alive/aware and present in the present moment like so many philosophers have talked about throughout history.

I've been listening to Thich Nhat Hanh at night. His emphasis is on being present, not getting angry, not giving into anger.....not believing in Buddha nature as something that someone else has but you can't have it. He talked about Buddha nature as compassion, understanding and so on....not something mystical [or untouchable]. He talked about how these traits, these ABILITIES(I'm paraphrasing)...these abilities of thought/emotion management that the Buddhas had/have are something anyone can bring about in their own life. "If the Buddha can do it, we can do it."....is how he said it. I don't expect myself to be an undisturbed person right off.....or even overnight. The purpose would be to not reinforce or add to the cycles of patterns of reactions that are already in the world. [The purpose would also be to add healthy and positive habits, actions, reactions that nurture peace and understanding in the collective consciousness. That way its not only about focusing on mistakes/negative habits, but it's also about putting into practice the positive habits,etc. Being mindful of expectations we have is important.]

I was thinking a lot about anger....and how anger makes a person weak, not in control of his or her own mind/actions. It's a big emotion...a common emotion.....even in the animal kingdom. What separates us from the animals is that we can wake up from it....and transcend the coding of thought(culture/tradition/upbringing).

Not everyone shares these views, but that's all right. Even though one might have them today, tomorrow might become too busy and sweep us right back up into the job, relationship, or whatever role that demands our attention.

EDIT: Added a comma after "Only"! Commas can make a difference in how things are read!!

EDITED bread crumbs to find your way home

2009-11-15T15:28:00.004-05:00

I have been busy lately. My mind has been in and out of being caught up in old patterns of thinking mixed with the new, more positive patterns....so it sometimes seems I'm all over the map. You'll have that. :)

So, anyway....I have these 3x5 index cards taped to a wall in my bedroom. I try to post things up there that bring my thinking, my base immediately back to a more "centered" and calm state...so to speak. Things have been a little busier and confusing lately. As I walked out of my room earlier, I glanced up at one of my writings on the wall...no pun intended. It said, "EVERY experience is a resource." It was almost as if someone else wrote it. It was as if someone else had left that index card for me to wake up again to myself living by unhealthy patterned thinking. It was like a "bread crumb" left by myself for myself to find the way home.

Keep your writings(or anyone else's) where you can be reminded by yourself.....& find the way home. We find that great centered maturity over and over again....and then we slip and fall back sometimes again and again. Really, there is no one who stays in a state of "ism."
We are as we do.

Thich Nhat Hanh video

2009-10-28T00:58:00.001-04:00

"...sit like a mountain, and breathe like a flower..."
"..love is an attempt to understand someone.."
"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand new hours to live."

A bird in hand

2009-10-04T18:06:00.001-04:00

The Titmouse and the empty peanut shell

2009-09-27T15:32:00.002-04:00

The Titmouse and the empty peanut shell(inspired earlier this morning during backyard bird/chipmunk feeding session)

I threw an empty peanut shell halve to a titmouse(bird)

once it realized the shell was empty it simply sat it down

and went back to attention

back to resume beginner's mind

it didn't throw a fit

it didn't raise a fuss

it simply sat it down

it let go of the empty shell and moved on

it didn't get out of shape over its expectations of what should've been in the shell

it just waited for me to throw a peanut....just as it did the first time

my toying with the idea of possibility

2009-09-25T02:02:00.002-04:00

(insomnia inspired - telling myself the things below)
Possibility

i think about possibility
possibility got us this far in our collective/social evolution
it allowed for those moments of connection and growth in humanity's relationship
ending of slavery, civil rights, social justice movements...

it allowed for those moments of union, brotherhood
in those moments of kindness and unconditional love from family/friends/lovers

it brought us here
it allowed for infinite number of outcomes...

life is open

We think the worst sometimes to prepare ourselves from falling, from being disappointed
Why not imagine the possibility of not getting our way...and not falling down from that or being disappointed?

possibility allows for horrible moments, but look at how much more has worked out
this outweighs the small amount that didn't

life is open

its wide open....

We tell ourselves that things are bound/preparing for the worst to protect ourselves from ALLOWING OURSELVES TO FALL...as if we're two separate people in one. One part of our psyche desires an outcome, while the other part ALLOWS the fall from perceived failure as correct response based on traditional thinking. We don't have to allow ourselves to fall at all, but its easier said than done to avoid it.

possibility got us here....imagine what can be, if all of this is possible
focus on possibility in all areas of life......don't give up.......bounce everytime if you can get yourself to and remember to do so.

hmmm

2009-09-22T20:54:00.003-04:00

Just to post a not so clear blog, I'll blog journal style. I too, feel at times....the pressure to post a blog when my mind has a certain amount of clarity....as to not baffle or add to others' confusion in life. haha.....while reading a fellow blogger's page today we had a small discussion about this.

I'll just write here, to remind myself of things....as a meditation of sorts.
If my life was great, if i were a pretty boy who didn't have any inclination to question himself because he never had to, if things were easier.......I probably would not have gained interest in Eastern thought. For my life, Zen and the like.....the teachings that help us cut to the core of it without giving a belief that we "must" believe to gain a heaven or something. ....these things have kept me alive i think. There are many drugs out there that I was headed to abuse. So, Zen and the like has a different quality of meaning for myself. We all create a different sense of meaning, because its our story we're telling ourselves. I am telling myself a story all the time. That is "one hand clapping." The reason i say it that way is because there is a saying, "beware the one hand clapping," that is referring to only hearing one side of a story/issue.

The reason we read or study zen or anything....sometimes we miss the reason because we're separating our intentions of studying the teachings......and our intentions studying ourselves. We don't catch that separation...because its subtle. So, remaining in the background is a set of unseen/unwatched/unstudied intentions. Do we study the teachings to make us feel better? Do we study ourselves to catch the things that we get hung up on? What are we looking for? Are we looking for something in the future? Or are we with the things in this moment? I say that we're all fighting to pay attention in our own lives and that's enough to worry about......studying our own self is enough.

We live and we learn. Live........then reflect.......live some more........then reflect.
Here are some human things about me:
I still complain about women and how fickle they are in WV. How they pick the jerks and shrug off men who treat them nice/decent. I still get involved in arguing about politics. ....especially about this health care issue. I have researched for many hours and have concluded what Wendell Potter has said, but didn't have to tell me. Although, hearing it from him excites the heck out of me. yes, I'm for a public option! I also get frustrated with Mormonism, Christian "vanity plate" syndrome(people calling themselves xians but not trying to live up to it, instead just decide falling short and saying they're saved and christian is enough to go around running their mouth about everyone else...looking down their nose at everyone). I fight to get inspired.....maybe I should just take the baby steps I've mentioned before. My discipline is out the window at this point, so its going to be a great uphill battle. However, with the many teachings, insights, and friends to mirror and share in my life....i think i can change my life and get back momentum. Things are different these days.

In the end, I know that all these things are dust bunnies.....but its our job to tend to It while we're here. Take care, start over from where you are any time....the present moment is all we ever have. Just keep starting over if need be.

Zazen and UUC short post

2009-09-05T20:46:00.006-04:00

I'm thinking of starting a sitting zazen practice soon. Also, there is a local mediation circle that I might check out. I think I need to meet different kinds of people, and I've never been to this place or the UUC(Unitarian Universalist Congregation). I've heard nice things about both. The UUC is very socially conscious and active in community.

I won't abandon old friends, but hopefully will make new ones. Its not always easy to meet folks who are into Eastern thought or what not...

Interviewed UK myspace friend about universal health care

2009-09-01T18:07:00.008-04:00

Just today, I messaged a UK myspace musician friend asking about the NHS and his feelings about the necessity for universal access to medical care for citizens of his country. He obliged and I'm very happy to share. My questions weren't great, but I greatly appreciated him taking the time to answer them.

He copied my questions just above his answers:

Jeremy!
Happy to oblige. Im not particularly right or left wing, so heres ny views for what they are worth:

1. Can you tell me, (i'll pass it on) how you feel about your health care system? pros & cons?

Ok its not bad. It used to be a lot lot better, tho, but now we have so many illegal immigrants in the country or legal ones from Europe who dont pay taxes as they are unemployed, theres not enough contributions going into it. So in recent years treatments and service has fallen. However, when your ill, get injured, suffer with something....its great not having to worry about paying for treatment.

2. Also, could you explain how it feels to know that your country takes care of everyone(whether or not they have money), when it comes to medical needs?

I think I feel proud of our country for it. However, illegal immigrants shouldnt get treated and I dont think immigrants from other countries who have paid less than a years taxes into our fund should get free treatment....

3. Do you feel Universal Health Care for everyone is necessary for the well-being of the country overall??

Yes

4. Do you have any suggestions on how to sell the idea of an NHS in the US?

Nope....
(end of his reply)
-------------------------
I can see where illegal immigration would take a toll on the money.....but.....Universal Health Care(single payer) or at the very least this public option(not free) they're talking about would be one step closer by giving everyone access to buying health insurance and competing to pressure private insurance(less care/more profit) companies to lower their prices. We already have socialist programs, and for us to be scared of becoming nazis or commies over taking care of each other's medical issues is ridiculous. We have public schools, SOCIAL security, medicare, unemployment benefits, ....you name it.....it could be called socialist. I could argue that churches & their collection plate are socialist. I could argue that our tax system is socialist. If we didn't have the tax system in place, we'd be in trouble. We're interdependent.......no matter what the "haves" tell us, we need each other. They use the "S" word to distract and shut down the debate. We have to decide whether we're all in the same boat or whether we believe some people should die because we weren't fortunate enough to be born rich or in a family that has access to insurance. If we keep the "pick yourself up by your own bootstraps" attitude, our country will stay divided and FALL. Sometimes we have to pick each other up.............we need either a public option or the better(but most difficult) idea, universal health care. A public option would help a lot.....but the only reason people feel safer with it, is because its not the full universal health care. If it were full universal, the politicans who are making money for campaigns from Health Insurance companies, they'd throw such a fit.......and fill people with so much MISINFORMATION, it would be hell. So, it may take a while, maybe even quite a few years.....who knows? It will happen...because the ethic of taking care of our neighbors is in many religious traditions and with each generation, the young will see hypocrisy and inconsitency and perfect this union....................................hopefully.

I may be back with more questions and answers from the same UK fellow.

PS - watch the movie "Sicko"! I can't say it enough.

i am humanity i am the world

2009-08-27T12:22:00.006-04:00

When we give up on humanity, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts because we then behave in ways that supports humanity failing. I wrote this earlier today to myself and thought I'd throw it up here. I need reminded of this daily.

I am "humanity"....because humanity is relationship and I'm a part of that. With this said...here's a famous quote that goes along with this.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."-----Gandhi

Each Thought/Action Is What We Offer The World

2009-08-26T00:16:00.008-04:00

Every thought and action, no matter how private, is what we're offering the world, the universe, .......in this epic.

No matter how private your thoughts, they are your offerings to everything else. We may think about ourselves, how to improve ourselves, how to accumulate things around us, but any and all thoughts & actions are what we are offering the world, even if only in a round about way. You and I are both part of this universal epic.....its story...and we're not separate from it. We're in it. We are IT. We can react according to our programming or we can be aware and find choice to let go of petty reactions not based on a "universal perspective," so to speak.

In our culture we've been taught that we don't make a difference in the world at large. We've been taught that we can live private individual lives and not make a difference. We've been taught to only aim low & fall into the mold set up by society for us...and nothing else, nothing more...and even what we consider nothing less. I'm not saying that we have to aim high, I'm just pointing out that we've been manipulated and managed by traditional thinking and now we have a chance to see.

We are programmed, yes.....but we are also programmers. We are part of the program that has woke up enough to "see the coding" and change it by finding the choice. We have the responsibility, if we choose to accept it, to watch out for others around us who are still trapped in the sleep of traditional programming. Sorry, more matrix references..ha!

Everything that's ever happened in this universe added up to this moment....where you're reading this....

I write to myself as much anyone who happens to read this.

freedom from fear of death is Liberating

2009-08-23T15:36:00.003-04:00

Great Movie!!!

Grain, water, & house of mirrors

2009-08-20T00:15:00.000-04:00

[(just finished this real quick like, but wrote it a while back)This is probably just like spoken word stuff...it doesn't rhyme much if at all.]

Sand
No expectations
a grown child looks

grains of sand and space in between
room to be

Who's to say?
no one to ask
no one to answer

emerging linear ingredients
subject, object, observer
can "seeing" be seen?
or is it the effortless action used by thought?

grains and water mingle to create a stream
a map,
a separate meaning in the corner of a seam

freedom is already there
you are the master
thought says otherwise
in the present is when it does so

one grain has no relationship, no continuity with any other thought
unless we think it
language is a tool

house of mirrors & smoke swallows up space

we don't know, but what we do know is fog on the inside of the window

its from where we keep talking & thinking inside here....and then we can't see

relax, be vulnerable, open up...........realize you're the only ONE and so am i

we are the universe expressing itself and even that's a guess put into terms of modern culture.

its the journey, not necessarily the destination because everything is subject to change.

It's the goggles we're wearing that matters most. Remind me of this!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
And now, Three lyrical quotes from Andrew Bird

"Nomenclature's washing away
Oh it's washing us all away"

"it was anything but hear the voice
that says that we're all basically alone"

"you can't be found when the bell rings
you weren't there that day for the naming of things"

I'll be back

2009-07-12T15:50:00.004-04:00

Sorry, I've been away from blogger for a little bit. Just dropping in to say that I'm taking a small break from blogger. Trying to find work right now(i'm completely broke & great deal of uncertainty about job market) and the less I distract myself...the better. Having financial problems along with health issues takes the wind out of ya....so i'm working on it. If anyone wants to keep in touch, my email is still on my profile. I'll still check my emails daily or at least every other day or so. Hugs and Best Wishes to everyone! :) I'll be back soon

Keep writing and I'll check everyone's stuff out when i get back!

Alan Watts introduction

2009-06-16T22:30:00.002-04:00

Alan Watts is a great resource for seekers, philosophers,thinkers,etc. Here's a link for Mp3's: http://diydharma.org/audio/by/artist/alan_watts

Below is a video featuring Alan Watts audio.

The link below has several clips that are actually produced by the guys from South Park & go along great with audio of Alan's talks from the 1960's-70's. They're not long.
YOU WILL ENJOY THESE TOO!

http://www.freshminds.com/animation/alan_watts_theater.html
Poets and musicians will especially enjoy these(Life & Madness)

my sugar issues vent

2009-06-15T00:33:00.002-04:00

It could be nothing, but after consuming more the usual amount of sugar today, a blind spot in one eye developed. It has been about two years since the last time that's happened. I remember the last time it happened, I ate two big pastries .....they were so good. Soon after that while driving home, a blind spot showed up.....its really strange. I read where it could be something related to diabetes. Blood vessels in the back of the eye could be leaking when this happens. I think its a progressive thing, especially if ya don't take care of yourself(exercise, eat right,etc.etc.). Could be high blood sugar causing high blood pressure.

Tonight I just laid down still for a while in the dark, like I have done in the past, and blind spot(s) eventually went away. When I'd look directly at something I couldn't see it with that one eye...I had to look to the side of what I wanted to see in order to see it with that eye.

I've had a history of high sugar(testing my sugar with sugar meters), but have no money, no insurance, no way of getting checked out. Unless I go tell one place I live in my car, then maybe I could get some help...lol.

Either way, I feel ok now....and like many people, I'll just go on until can't go anymore and no doubt have to go to the doctor. It'd be nice to have health insurance.

Anyway, i feel like my sugar's low now.....though, I don't have any test strips to really find out. Being broke sucks, i bet my readers will agree with that.

Have a good week everyone!
Peace!!!

babblegum June 13

2009-06-13T15:18:00.005-04:00

The Buddha suggested helpful guidelines for one's psyche and emotional environment, so that we'd free ourselves from much of our habits and behaviors that cause psychological suffering/discomfort. They were conducive for freedom from the known, as it were. They weren't rules or commandments for punishment and reward in an afterlife. They were for one's own good, in the sense of well-being here in this life now.

Our memory starts working right after something happens. We gather an impression. We also conjure up presuppositions and memes handed down from tradition to paint up so called, "new impressions." What's Real can't be put into memory. Memory is memory. Real is real.....real is what is......not the past in memory.

We don't know anyone. We don't know ourselves. Only know what we see and remember and choose to notice. Do we notice things about ourselves, like how we look when we're not noticing? So why isn't that a part of who we consider ourselves? Who we think of as ourselves contains no information about how our skin renews itself. Maybe in some cultures it might. So, our selves.......are conditional.

We see through the kaleidoscope goggles of our own experiences mixing with what we appear to be seeing at any given moment....mixing memory with new impressions we gather by consulting memory as to what we think we're seeing.

A child might look at a pattern on the wall, and make a big deal out of it, saying, "what is that?" We, as adults, might not even notice what they're looking at. They might be looking at a shadow in between three dots on the wall paper. To us there might not be a pattern. We notice other patterns they don't notice.

The difficult thing to do is reach the end of thought and also being able to use it without being swept into old currents of emotion attached to certain thoughts or opinions.

Talking with a friend about playing music, listening, seeing innocence of their thinking, seeing them as the universe, not just a link in the universe, not just a stepping stone to carry on life, but the universe renewing itself in innocence of forgetting itself as each human being.....the innocence of everyone....that we know not what we do.

As with each new baby, the universe will carry on. As with each cell and organism throughout the universe, it will carry on through renewal.

This impression points at life....beyond word, beyond the world of words and language that we live in. The world of language, symbols, and images is like a dream we dream while awake.

Can we really know anything beyond words? Beyond images, concepts, symbols? Beyond language? That's the thing we've been trying to find out......whether or not we can grab the REAL and put it into memory. The way we've been living is making impressions of what's in front of us and creating images, then creating images of images and stories about those images of images and stories of the stories of the images of images....echoes creating an avalanche...living in thought, losing touch with the real.

Our society demands obedience, loyalty to the machine, to the software of our cultures....to ....to the worship of language and definition according to a given culture's value systems. Words, language, concepts, ....are a river of substitution of the real and present. Images are stand ins. We can be right in front of someone and only see the image we have of them in our minds. We can look ourselves and only see the image we hold of our selves. That image will change many millions of times before we die, so which image was the right one? None of them really. They were masks....added up to fit particular situations. We're attempting to know someone like we know how to count to 10.

Who's to say we're supposed to be anything at any given time in this life? Be your own authority. Don't answer to me or anyone else, especially when it comes to your life's details......that's what I say.

"Ultimate authority is no authority..."--can't remember where I read that.

When we are in need of peace of mind, acceptance of what has already happened is the hardest and most important thing we can learn.

We know not what we do.....everything is as it should be....for now....until it changes.....again...and again.

Back to the role(s)!!!

Peace

after satori quote

2009-06-09T13:43:00.007-04:00

This is a quote from: Buddhism and Psychotherapy Across Cultures---By Mark Unno

Questioner: But doesn't enlightenment clear away imperfections and personality flaws?

Roshi(Philip Kapleau): No, it shows them up! Before Awakening, one can easily ignore or rationalize his shortcomings, but after enlightenment this is no longer possible. One’s failings are painfully evident. Yet at the time a strong determination develops to rid oneself of them. Even opening the Mind's eye fully does not at one fell swoop purify the emotions. Continuous training after enlightenment is required to purify the emotions so that our behavior accords with our understanding. This vital point must be understood.

life is one big ol' sand mandala

2009-06-09T12:32:00.012-04:00

The past few days I'd been thinking: "Life is one big ol' sand mandala." I used to say it was "one big day." Then I heard Alan Watts say we live in a "Rorschach blot," which we could agree with that as well. The sand mandala thing is just too right on. The Tibetan Buddhist monks create these beautiful sand mandalas and then after they're done, they sweep up the sand into a jar. Or at least that's what I remember from it. It captures our lives. Everything in our lives is like these sand mandalas. Nothing permanent, everything fleeting unable to be fixed. They're fragile..so is life and everything in life.

A friend sent me some fitting quotes from Osho today:

"Nothing belongs to you, nothing can belong to you. One is a homeless wanderer in the very nature of things. Time is impermanent. Time means the temporary. Time cannot have any eternal home in it. To make a home in time is to make a house on the sands, or to make a signature in water - you go on making it; it goes on disappearing."

-Osho

You cannot possess anything, it is impossible to possess anything. Life is insecurity and there is no way to become secure. Death is coming and will destroy all your securities, so don't be bothered. Understand the insecurity of life, accept it - in that very acceptance you become secure.

-Osho

an introduction to J. Krishnamurti

2009-06-02T14:05:00.009-04:00

This post is for getting ideas. Jiddu Krishnamurti's "talks" provide another very useful angle to self-study. I say "talks" rather than "teaching" because he himself told everyone all the time to not make him their authority, for each person to find out for themselves what was true.

The below link is a talk from the 1950's, it's a good quick introduction to his talks.
http://www.jiddu-krishnamurti.net/en/1950_madras/1950-02-05_madras_3rd_public_talk_5th_february_1950.html

The core of Krishnamurti's teaching is contained in the statement he made in 1929 when he said:
"Truth is a Pathless land."

Man cannot come to it through any organization, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophic knowledge or psychological technique. He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection. Man has built in himself images as a fence of security--religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates man's thinking, his relationships and his daily life. These images are the causes of our problems for they divide man from man. His perception of life is shaped by the concepts already established in his mind. The content of his consciousness is his entire existence. This content is common to all humanity. The individuality is the name, the form and superficial culture he acquires from tradition and environment. The uniqueness of man does not lie in the superficial but in complete freedom from the content of his consciousness, which is common to all mankind. So he is not an individual.

Freedom is not a reaction: freedom is not choice. It is man's pretence that because he has choice he is free. Freedom is pure observation without direction, without fear of punishment and reward. Freedom is without motive; freedom is not at the end of the evolution of man but lies in the first step of his existence. In observation one begins to discover the lack of freedom. Freedom is found in the choiceless awareness of our daily existence and activity.

Thought is time. Thought is born of experience and knowledge which are inseparable from time and the past. Time is the psychological enemy of man. Our action is based on knowledge and therefore time, so man is always a slave to the past. Thought is ever-limited and so we live in constant conflict and struggle. There is no psychological evolution.

When man becomes aware of the movement of his own thoughts he will see the division between the thinker and the thought, the observer and the observed, the experiencer and the experience. He will discover that this division is an illusion. Then only is there pure observation which is insight without any shadow of the past or of time. This timeless insight brings about a deep radical mutation in the mind.

Total negation is the essence of the positive. When there is negation of all those things that thought has brought about psychologically, only then is there love, which is compassion and intelligence.

This statement was originally written by Krishnamurti himself in 1980.

FOR MORE visit this page and check out MANY TALKS(&books):

http://www.jiddu-krishnamurti.net/en/index.php

Some big names who were drawn to his ideas(if that helps with his "cred"):

Dalai Lama
Eric Clapton
Aldous Huxley
Alan W. Watts
Kahlil Gibrab
Hurricane Carter
Greta Garbo
Deepak Chopra
Van Morrison
Helen Keller
Charlie Chaplin
George Bernard Shaw
David Bohm

In the movie about Hurricane Carter, Denzel is reading a book called, "The Awakening of Intelligence" by J. Krishnamurti. He puts a picture in this book in the movie. That's actually a very good book to have in your bookshelf. The "circus of man's struggle" is a chapter everyone needs to read, imo. Go to the bookstore, and read that one chapter, and you might just end up buying it. This guy is up there with Plato and all the others, including the man known as the buddha. He'll really add to your toolbox of self-study. Don't follow him exclusively, but read and reflect on your own path. Those would be my suggestions.

His words seemed dry and lifeless at times early on, but over the years, they ring more and more true as my understanding of myself grew. I've read from different ideas/teachings....seeing how they are different, throwing out some superstitions that never really helped in understanding myself. I'll probably have blind spots. I'm sure there will blind spots, but my problem has usually been beating myself up for mistakes. In understanding myself, in reflecting on things I've read, ideas I've used......I've learned to not beat myself up quite as much. That's helped finding other blind spots, because less energy used to beat myself up for mis-stepping or making mistakes....which is just another wave of the mind. "The dart" sutta(sutra)...was helpful in that. It's called, "Sallatha Sutta." Gil Fronsdal talked about the buddha's speech on the "second arrow" in one of his mp3's. I never knew where his source was for that..until recently...

Lauren found the actual text on "the dart"(arrow) I'd been searching for ..for a few years.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn36/sn36.006.than.html

Ok, so this was more than I wanted to say, but hope this is useful somehow.

Cheers!

nothing left to do but live

2009-05-30T15:21:00.003-04:00

Things I tell myself:

Nothing left to do but live it
death is around the corner & one's life is short
opinions are relative & not the whole
live your life your way
don't take anything personal, if you can remember

[questions we all ask]
what does it mean to have this happen?
why'd it have to go this way?
what else can i say?
where do i go from here?

nothing left to do but live...

a weed will find a way
so be like a weed
find that will, nobody can give it to you
nobody can hand you your own approval; [which is masked as approval from someone else.]

nothing left to do but live...

we all share this existence
thinking is a way of dividing it
partitioning it
into our little mental homesteads

nothing left to do but live this life of a human being...
without necessarily knowing what that means
gonna find out along the way
gonna find the way along the way

live....live.....live.......give your own approval to yourself to live.
drop the past, you're here NOW
only the rules of the game dictate that you define yourself by the past
if you have to find new friends who give you room to not be the same
..but instead give you room to grow
you can go anywhere from here

become as a child again, not knowing everything, & open to life....
people will pick your ideals apart and let you know you're not living up to them
as long as you can laugh at that fact, the room and space will get bigger
there's nothing to take personal when we're all making the best of what's in front of us
and the emotion of taking it personal isn't a "who"....its a "what"

Give yourself room to be corny, hateful, horny, compassionate, and all the rest of it.
Who's to say we're supposed to be anything at any give time anyway?

Find your own path....then there's,
nothing left to do but live it.

Eye Yam

2009-05-19T15:10:00.007-04:00

I am a thought
a reflection in the moment
a symbol in the moment
with underlying presuppositions that this "I"
is a "who" that resides in this body.

In one motion thought creates a "sentence" in the form of "me
and my separateness from the universe."

Competing "thought plants" in the garden of the mind
one vine competes with other plants to live
it is the nature of seeds to sprout under the right conditions
so when we don't attend to our garden, some seeds get by
and sprout up when the overall concept of one's garden is in place
and we'd rather not have that vine or weed be our ...........face.

I am the game
that I'm programmed to play
with its rules of engagement
and presuppositions

I am the moment itself
everything in my awareness
with its orientation
of relationships

I am everything
I am nothing
I am in between
I am...all my thoughts
I am everything I'm aware of
I am that I am that is everything and nothing
I am that union
I am the ignoring of things
I am relationship
I am that which sees
I am action
I am action of nonaction
I am the well of silence and sound
I am the well of unknowing and the known
I yam what I yam
[is "am" a verb? or state of being? what's "being"? Words only go so far, with their edges.]

everything is happening, the "I" isn't doing any of it
it's all just happening, the "I" is just sitting there
as another image in thought's storytelling
and rendering software.......the "I" is another leaf on the branch of thought.

nondifferentiation is a soup of the dying orientation,
the light of "seeing" is there, to help shape thought...

the loophole patches, agents of tradition are there
only to cultivate continuity for the memory machine's garden
not necessarily to free minds from outdated software
and create the much needed upgrade...that considers realities
the realities that the organism and environment are ONE.

Thanks for reading.
j

Artisans of Sand; Reflections & Dream Bubbles

2009-05-11T13:38:00.007-04:00

weather systems with sense faculties
sharing sand castles of flavor, tone, texture, color, and feeling
(sharing sand castles of qualities)
sharing together, these snippets & collages of "time"
we're artisans of sand
children on the beach of life, playing pretend for real
handing each other reflections through the bubbles of our dreams
where do "I" begin and end?
thought partitions, smoke and mirrors
where do "you" being and end?
are we attached to labels and our indexed composite statistical images of others?
of ourselves?
of their behavior?
of our own behavior?

we're artisans of sand
children on the beach of life, playing pretend for real....

sharing reflections through the bubbles of our dreams

Thanks for reading.

Stanley Krippner - Ayahuasca

2009-05-11T00:19:00.006-04:00

He touches on many things...starting off discussing Ayahuasca, then discussing other things you may find interesting. He points out the difficulty of integrating insights from meditation, psychedelic and religious contemplation experiences into one's daily life. I know many "seekers" or "spiritual journeymen & women" might feel this is as very true. He also talks about the difference between "spirituality" and "religion," in his views. Very interesting observations.....he's up to date too!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l38lwyTwew

created another blog for Mr. Hyde

2009-05-03T22:39:00.005-04:00

http://overintheshade.blogspot.com/
I created another blog for my bad days, odd moods, & other things...that might not appeal to the readers of this blog. I know energy is contagious, so maybe I'll try to dedicate "life is open" to the more higher vibrational energies...inspirational energies...and less of the kind on "over in the shade." I mean, from now on at least. I thank you all for reading. I still read your blogs, even if I don't post a comment....although I'll admit I'm much more loyal to my followers than I am others on my subscription list. I wish you all good vibrations and many best wishes.

"life is open" we draw the lines....I still think this is the case. :)

Peace
j

babbleGum may 1st

2009-05-01T11:32:00.008-04:00

When things have been going good.....and then when things go bad, you ever notice how quickly our perception of people change? It hasn't happened to me lately, but i do remember how easily it happens when you're angry,upset,sad,depressed, tired...and all that. It's like they shapeshift.........in our minds. What we liked about them before, changes? I think we've all felt this, but people don't talk about it really....as a shared experience in life.

When things are going good.....its allgood...things are easy...we have the energy to keep up, we have the space to see. We love everything....we understand everything....its easy to be a duck and let the water roll off our backs... I wonder if the reason we avoid talking about this...is because part of our programming implies that we are a solid entity and not layers of patterns...like an onion. Maybe each layer has its roots in different emotional or neutral response vats. So we might develop expectations of ourselves and others....of being consistently solid....smooth....always easy going....human beings. Or something like that anyway...lol.

When things are going crappy.......we don't want to hear any positivity..or anyone trying to be positive. We just want time to be alone, to be left alone and we expect people to understand that..to read our minds at times, because we know our energies are tied up in a knot at the moment, and we might produce negative energy that we don't want to be associated with or have someone think "that's who we are." Again, because we think people are one personality with no layers of contradictory patterns....but we do have those layers, usually.

Sometimes our perception grabs it and turns their positivity into "preaching"....and BS.....and possibly talking down their nose when "they don't know my situation." We don't want anyone with a flashlight shining up our rear ends....trying to help us either...because it makes us feel like an issue or it makes us look like we don't know ourselves better than others or something.

I'm not saying anything is right or wrong....in that way. I'm just talking about how when things go to crap.......many of us are subject to mutation in perception. So, the expectation(s) we have of ourselves and others.....might need to be looked over, reviewed to see whether they're realistic and understanding. I guess I really shouldn't even expect this to make sense to everyone....my blogging style sucks.

I personally think that people interested in deep thinking/eastern thought,etc. are folks who've been through a lot.....and have felt pain. There may be the fortunate ones who have big sensitive hearts and haven't went through as much, but they do have a great capacity for empathy. We're all the ones who question the software of our culture....we're on our own journeys of discovery...to free ourselves from our pain, and to help others when we can along the way.

The roles we take on in life....keep us busy, don't give us time to be alone. Being alone, is sometimes good. Sometimes its helpful to also be around people, to socialize/mingle. Mingling is under-rated. When we're alone a lot or around the same people all the time, we might forget others are battling their own troubles and dealing with them in their own way. We notice how they deal with it..and then see how we are dealing with our own problems and issues.

I have nothing to offer anyone........only my words, my thoughts, as some sort of mirror.......of humanity. You may see my errors, and correct your own or avoid making the ones I've made. You may also see something that helps, and expand on it.

Shamans of the Amazon video

2009-05-01T01:30:00.005-04:00

I watched this last night, and it was very interesting. Terence McKenna was being interviewed throughout this video. It covers the drug wars all over the world, that protect certain drugs and demonize all others. They also bring up the point that plants, fungus shouldn't be considered drugs. Each culture does this. This video also deals with Ayahuasca use by the Amazonian Shamans. Their culture is very in touch with nature....and this video brings into the light, the fact that the world at large is "getting ahead of itself" before we all learn to live in harmony with nature.

EDIT!!!!! JUST IN CASE......HERE IT IS ON GOOGLE: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3201192063603104128

http://www.djped.co.uk/Ayahuasca/Shamans%20Of%20The%20Amazon%20(2002)%20-%20Dmt,%20Ayahuasca.mpg

Leaf Collectors insomnia inspired

2009-04-29T05:02:00.002-04:00

Leaf Collectors

Memories are like leaves
The ones that bring us enjoyment and useful knowledge go in our scrap book
The other ones that bring us despair are from the compost pile

Sorting through despair and painful memories is like sorting through a compost pile
We might find hidden pain bodies growing in there, causing surprise emotional winds

Memories are like leaves....created falling from each moment

The more time that goes by, the more the good ones fade.
The more time that goes by, the more the bad ones turn to mush.
As time goes by we'll see that the mush isn't worth sorting through, and gets messy when we do

NOTE: Earlier, I talked with an old friend. The past came back, and this leaf analogy was the only way to describe how I was seeing the past in my mind.

bill hicks life is just a ride

2009-04-24T23:40:00.003-04:00

This is a more serious moment with Bill Hicks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1RQmnSJoRg

zen quote of the day from my nephew

2009-04-13T18:21:00.010-04:00

Earlier, my nephew and I were playing with Playdough..........he handed me some and said, "make something."

MisUnderstandings in a Lego World

2009-04-12T19:27:00.022-04:00

(some of this was written April 14th, added to a draft from the other day)
I had a friend recently who said that life's as simple as "...just be here now." Earlier today(actually over the weekend), I had one tell me that all we have to do is "be here now" and that's it. Well, life is more complicated than that. I thought, "emotions aren't simple"....they're complicated patterns of energy woven into our memory, just waiting to spring into action under the right circumstances. They're sometimes attached to how our body feels. If you have a health issues, such as diabetes(sugar issues for example), you'll find your body doesn't consistently feel any certain way...but usually it feels crappy. For a while, especially early on, I would beat myself up for not being consistently patient, and consistently an example of Buddhism or any other Eastern philosophy that helped in my life. Eastern thought/Zen saved my life. I thought people can benefit from these things, but my health is wacky like I am..and people will look at my life and say, "Eastern thought doesn't look useful, because Jeremy(that's me) isn't bouncing around doing what I think he should to prove that Zen helped him somehow." Life is more complicated when it comes to communicating. People look for different traits that dictate whether someone has "cred" or not. A very useful thing could be thrown out, simply because of the messenger's perceived credibility.

This is our Rule of thumb moment(brought to you by ADD): Birds will get along at the feeders as long as there's enough food....but when the food gets low, they'll fight. It's the same with humans..the food gets low(or not enough rewards/accolades/attention to go around)..if we still have enough energy to fight/argue, our instinct to survive(in life or socially) will kick in....and compassion and understanding will probably go out the door. The fight can be about anything....even who feels they come away with the upper hand in an argument.....or who's the manliest of men even. In the end, it only means something to the person who decides to define it as something. We're creating our world, rendering our mental world each moment. Sometimes I have to make mistakes, find myself being a jerk, to realize that I don't have it all figured out and never will. Each new situation brings with it...its own structure.

interesting conversations
(This is a paraphrased composite transcript of SEVERAL similar conversationS I've had over the past year or so.....with a few different people saying similar things(basically)
My friend: Having all those books on philosophy don't mean anything if you don't apply them. It's like having a big tool box full of tools, and using a hammer to loosen a nut.

Me: yeah, that's why I've been saying that we have to learn about ourselves...take time to know ourselves, why we do things, what our own motivations are.... Even why we study things to begin with....we'll see what we're trying to get out of it, or understand...because we're building a case for things. I'm applying them, just trying to approach life in a new way...while unlearning old patterns. Expectations of ourselves or other people get in the way also. So, I might not look steady or consistent sometimes...if that's what you meant. I'm not sure what you're getting at...

Friend: If you were really onto something(had something special figured out), wouldn't you be out of the house more than you are? Wouldn't you be doing more than you are? Out with your friends more? Wouldn't you be unphased? [Wouldn't you be a success?] Would you ever find yourself frustrated like you get sometimes??

Me: Well, I don't have anything really special figured out, I still get confused in life, Eastern thought just has helped my life in a BIG way, and I think some people might find it useful...but not everyone. I'm not trying to convert or even make a big scene either really. Also, right now I think my situation could be improved, but my sugar issues don't allow me the consistent energy a lot of times to be as active as I used to be. As well as the mental energy that slows down as well...lethargy and stuff. And I'm not really up for getting out all the time partying like I used to do.....it really slowed down my self-learning in ways. Partying didn't help me much, sitting at home in the quiet figuring myself out helped more. I've been through the running around, partying with friends, and I have nothing to show for it really. I'm just taking things slow right now. ..getting situated. I'll have to pick myself up and I know that...no one else can do it for me. (feeling a sense of being completely made an issue on the table)

Friend: Well, I think its all in your head. I don't think you've got a sugar problem, i think its in your head man.

Me: No,.......I've seen my sugar as high as 325 in the past....its also been very low too at times. I haven't been able to test it lately because of money issues, no insurance, and I didn't qualify for this other free program everyone was telling me about. They take in crackheads, but not a single male with no kids who's staying with his parents. They've got it wrote up funny in the laws.

Friend: Have you been to the doctor? You could go to some doctor somewhere I'm sure. Don't complain about it if you're not going to the doctor. You can't whine about it if you're not trying to fix it. It's like you bring it up, but don't do anything about it to feel better.

Me: No, I don't have the money, and don't qualify for assistance. And I'm NOT whining about anything, you made me an issue and I'm answering, I'm not complaining....I just can't do much about it right now. Later, when I get things going again, I'll be able to take care of it. If I bring it up ever, its usually so people have context about what I'm dealing with so they won't wonder why I'm not as sharp as usual...or something. Sorry for bringing it up, friend! I'd say when your health goes to crap one day, you're going to be talking about it to people warning/informing them that you're not going to feel like yourself all the time....for them to keep that in mind and not expect you to operate at 100%. It'll happen...and someone might be there making you an issue...telling you that you're "whining." I say it to bring context...like a footnote as I'm talking.....or writing. It'd be like someone on drugs saying, "forgive me I'm high right now..." It gives context....because I'm not feeling great, or even good at times...I'm saying in a round about way to not expect me to be energetic, jumping up and down like a kid in order to prove that I"m happy. I am happy....even if I get frustrated or tangled in knots from time to time. [what i'd like to add to it]---(I am happy.....because I define my happiness my way. Just because you define happiness with your legos....doesn't mean they're going to necessarily work with my lego world in my definitions, because they're probably shaped/structured different.)

Friend: I'm just saying...you should go to the doctor so you'll feel better and be able to get around like you used to do. (End of composite conversation)

We misunderstand each other so easily. Its because we define our world our own way...using our own legos and assume other people are using similar legos to build their vision of reality. Some legos might be cross-platform compatible with other peoples' legos and some won't. We get into groups/social circles where our legos mix well with those groups.....and so on.

We forget that we're making our realities each moment.....that we're rendering a world in our minds.
If we work on communicating..........to know ourselves better, then our total understanding will grow....but never really be finished...because the world is full of change. It'll move things around on you in a hurry.
It lies in how we take in/handle/process information.....and also how we express it in our lives.

my early Self-inflicted Stockholm Syndrome

2009-04-11T12:11:00.012-04:00

My early Self-inflicted Stockholm Syndrome with the church
(my images/ideas of a god held my mind hostage and I became loyal to them)------this is a dangerous problem in the world!!!!(especially with fundamentalists)

When I was younger, I went to church. I was told many things. They taught me what to think and to stay in that groove. I'd created an abstract, sometimes very vague, inconsistent set of images/ideas in my mind of what I thought god was...and what "he" was like. It was a vague impression of "him." Everyone actually has different ideas/images of what they THINK god is or isn't.

So, whenever I'd find out a new rule or commandment or something, I'd have to shape the image I had of this god fellow to be scary. I'd have to be afraid...basically scared into believing from the start. They told me from the start that this god fellow was going to auction off my soul to an S&M warden if I didn't do what they said. Basically they were extorting me in a way(socially&psychologically) by using my vulnerability against me, to follow/validate their beliefs. The truth is that I was extorting myself.....but didn't know I had a choice, because of my lack of knowledge of myself and the world. I was vulnerable to people taking advantage of my insecurities and creating more in the process to solidify their control....the control that I gave them.

I'd created these images of my ideas of a godhead in the sky who watched everything I did. I talked to the image as if it was separate from my thinking processes. I became afraid of it, paranoid of it. I created the idea that I was on "his" side....submitting to the fear.....developing self-inflicted Stockholm Syndrome. Basically agreeing to follow the church and what they said completely out of fear, but not admitting that....even though fear was the first "ORIGINAL" motivator(not understanding or love). The very "redneck" idea of: "if you're not with me you're against me," kept me spooked into believing....because I felt that I HAD to believe or else it was my butt. So it was definitely extortion.....by getting me to follow their lead/give them authority over my life for my security(both psychologically/socially). Like many christians pose, "its safer to believe than to not believe"......which is the famous wager people throw around. I think you could apply that to all those "demanding" religions....at the same time....why not believe them all??! It's not possible is it?

For years, I'd battled with myself...trying to find peace. I usually felt worse every time that I'd failed somehow...the lows were twice as bad as "normal" folks I'm sure. The images I created of an angered god in my head...to the images of my self being less than perfect and a failure.....it was all to give continuity to the story I was believing in...to make it "feel real." It was like I was paying for protection from a mob boss, who kept me fearful all the time. The odd thing is.......is that it was in my head....all of it.

The self-inflicted Schizophrenia was also a part of it. I talked to my mental created images of god as if they were different/separate from my thinking processes. If I didn't create them, how could I imagine myself talking to "him"? I did it to reassure myself that I was going to be ok, that I was going to go to heaven and all that propaganda. I wasn't aware of other outlooks....or whether they'd give me security. By seeking security I was actually creating insecurity in myself.

Christianity had held me hostage, kept me from being at peace, made me feel even worse/incomplete/less than, and it was basically a cycle of mental illness. I'm not saying I'm any better these days...lol. The only difference is, I no longer play that game of Self-Inflicted Stockholm Syndrome....or talk to an imaginary friend in the sky who's really in my head....in order to keep myself locked up in mental slavery. I do get that there are reasons people pray....it helps...but please DON'T DEMAND that I follow your lead...I've already been there.

It's a form of oppression....self-inflicted oppression. I learned FEAR AND GUILT from church. I did learn other things, but I probably could've learned them somewhere else eventually.

Later, when I got away from it, I started to get to where I could understand things better, understand myself better. When I understood myself and the world better, it was easier to find peace of mind.

You see, I think that we're all One with the creative energy....with no reward or punishment hanging over our heads because we're already complete and one with everything. Any psychological "incompleteness" we feel is brought on by THOUGHT. Of course we need to eat,etc...so that's not what we're talking about. IMO, We're that creative energy dreaming.....in its own play and dance. We're not separate from that creative energy, imo.

There are facts/relative truths that we can make images about...and then there are images that we make images about. Other people might give us images that aren't based on facts, but complete gossip/game of telephone...and may or may not be useful. We should try to figure that out and drop what's not useful. If we become more oppressed psychologically..........something's up.
My intentions in writing this....is to bring to light something, in hopes that you don't cause yourself or anyone else the pain of self-inflicted Stockholm syndrome.....living in fear, causing it, validating it, spreading it, reinforcing it.

If it were the TRUTH...you wouldn't need to SPOOK/covertly "hypothetically extort" people into following it. You could just point them to look inside their own mind and they'd see. You wouldn't need for them to develop self-inflicted Stockholm syndrome toward the images in their own mind. You'd want them to be free of every kind of oppression, especially the self-inflicted kind.

Most people just don't realize what they're doing(some cons/hustlers do)...........we're all taught to jump right in the rat race, to become another cog in the wheel of the machine, and we don't question it because it offers us rewards already set up by tradition. "Here kitty, kitty,kitty..." We're not aware of any other options and even if we were, most of us feel more comfortable going along with the group. This post was for people who are OPEN to listening to different points of view without creating ideas that I'm filled with "demons" or some nonsense like that. So, I hope it helped someone.

sharing my mushroom experiences

2009-04-10T00:37:00.017-04:00

Please don't judge me for experimenting with shrooms or even sharing my experiences. I think you can take something from my stories without having to try these things yourselves. EDIT: My interpretations of my experiences are more "romantic" than scientific...but there remains some "scientific" analysis in my stories here.
[CNN report on mushrooms at bottom of post]

It's been over a year since my last shroom trip. I've decided to abstain for the time being. I still remember the last time well, and have shared the story with my close friends over the past year. It was actually the most productive as far as having an experience that could be called satori...or even "mushroom samadhi." That's probably something people would debate because of not being able to prove it before a zen master or something..i dunno what people would say...lol. They say to let go of these experiences as to not create images of them...but in hard times, the images and memories of that experience helps create peace in myself...by remembering it and the context/insights it produced.

The other times were also productive, but this last time produced a glimpse of forgetting my self....for however long it lasted. The feeling of "me" wasn't there. The perpetual creation of the presence of the "me"/self image/the thinker....wasn't there...it had stopped for however long. It was late at night, it was quiet, I was playing guitar. The notes of my guitar were playing so brilliantly...so alive...then it was noticed that the "me" wasn't there....only the notes, the hands playing guitar, the guitar,etc. "Where is it..where is that self-image??!!" In that one moment, a glimpse of what we're all doing in each moment was so clear. We've just been doing it since childhood, its difficult to stop it "on command" in order to get this glimpse, especially using thought to stop thought. That's like pushing an iron across the water's surface to still the waves. Meditation(watching the objects of awareness) is the usual method....if you want to use the word, method...for the goal. Everything was....and time stopped. It's all One and all things are vulnerable(edit: state of affairs as they are/change).

It was overwhelming...There had been pure experience without the "me" shadow as a part of present experience. I began to weep....for probably 20-30 minutes. I thought about my parents....everyone I knew in those moments after. All of our hopes, our dreams, everything we thought that we were...everything we held dear...we were all so vulnerable and innocent....my heart melted with compassion for everyone and everything. You cannot come away from an experience like that without being changed in some way.

Seeing the vulnerability, absolute innocence, and fragility of everyone and everything....in those moments you feel the words, "i am my brothers keeper," you feel & see that "we know not what we do." You feel a sense that you are "trusted" with seeing how our minds work, in order to be a caretaker of this world.....so to speak. As with all the other trips, you feel you've entered into the divine room...behind the divine curtain to see something special. You feel privileged...but of course, this is an interpretation of what happened...all of this is my interpretation of what happened.

What's encouraging is I recently have been reading other peoples' experiences and some were very similar to mine. I remember my first trip, everything seemed like it was nature....even floor tiles and man made things glimmered being of nature.........my friend's features looked like a troll or something from a storybook..everything was like a popup book sorta...the colors...its unlike anything you would ever experience normally. "Alice in Wonderland was apparently inspired by these things," I concluded. The Matrix movies made more and more sense... I even looked at my hand, the wrinkles of my knuckles inspired a thought that i was really a descendant of the reptiles...it was "so obvious that I was a cousin to the aligator!" I thought that my genetics were changing because the mushrooms were unlocking them somehow..lol. I was becoming more reptilian somehow...lol.

Those thoughts happen, just have to laugh them off. That first trip, I wasn't used to the body feeling, and no one told me about the "heavy" feeling and "upper body/face pressure" feeling you get on shrooms. So, my first time I panicked a little bit and had to lay down...but after a while, I decided i was going to enjoy it and stood up.. and settled into the body feeling thing that was going on. From then on, it was good. I layed down later that night with a big smile on my face........and woke up with a big smile on my face. I don't know why...i just had a big smile...like that cat from Alice in Wonderland. The days after all of the trips, I wrote my thoughts down. There was also the feeling of "what do I do now?" I wanted to share and talk about it A LOT......but its generally frowned upon in our society...which is a shame really.

Even Bill Hicks' description of his experiences remind me of my own. This is a Rare Video talking about Mushrooms. I wish he were still here, I'm really just finding out about him and he would fit right in with my friends and I for sure.

Also here's an MP3 of the same bit: http://www.jacobsm.com/hicks3.mp3 <--Download it!!!

CNN report on "magic mushrooms" about the long lasting POSITIVE effects

circumstances don't prove anything

2009-04-03T16:48:00.003-04:00

I apologize ahead of time, this blog will be a slight venting on my part. Whatever your religion, I want you to know personally, I respect your faith. However, my venting will point out a very important misconception and misunderstanding between all faiths....and maybe nonfaiths even. I'm standing up and speaking out about old ways of thinking that have effected me and that keep people oppressed with fear/guilt/mental slavery. Peoples' minds should be allowed to explore....to seek their own Truth. ....in my opinion. Please understand this is intended to educate and possibly move the reader.....as well as the author.

Circumstances do not prove anything.........so quit oppressing the people who are already down on their luck and don't follow your particular faith!!!!!!

If I were born into a muslim country. They'd tell me this: "You are alone, you are unfortunate in your life, you are not blessed in circumstances because you are not a follower of Islam. Once you follow Islam, your life will change for the better and you will become fortunate."

I was actually born into a christian region(WV). They tell me this: "You are alone, you are unfortunate in your life, you are not blessed in circumstances because you are not a follower of christianity. Once you follow christianity, your life will change for the better and you will become fortunate."

Circumstances do not prove your faith is the right one. If everyone of every faith used their personal sincerity and "fortunate" circumstances as the gauge of being of the "right religion," then that would mean there would be many truths, some even contradicting the others. Everyone would be exclaiming to everyone else that their ideas are "right" because of their relative fortunate circumstances. Wait, isn't this what we're doing already???!!

I'm just saying that circumstance is no indicator that your life is evidence [of your being fortunate enough] to be involved with the only absolutely right religion. It's an afterthought to justify your decisions as being "in line" with your ideas of your "god's will." Its a way of validating your religion by using circumstance as a CONVENIENT so-called indicator. I used to be a believer of the mainstream god [with his humanoid "limited" capacity for reason/understanding/compassion], and every believer has their own idea of god and at the same time, they all pretend that everyone should somehow have the same ideas. Let's be blunt and realistic...people make up their own ideas of god, and pretend they're all thinking the same thing....and then pointing their fingers at everyone who doesn't follow their faith in some way. Not everyone does this, but it happens for sure. I'm not picking on anyone, just stating that this happens. You have every right to believe what you want, just don't organize a society/community to shun anyone who fails to buy into it. Also,...please don't tell me that I'm "shunning the shunners" either.....that's an attempt to discredit my intentions, thereby discrediting my statements. ;) keep reading if you've made it this far....my intentions are to point out things, for people to grow from it (including myself). I'm having second thoughts about even posting this, but...

If i lived in a Muslim country and did not believe in Islam, my circumstances would be limited because Muslim women marry Muslim men. I would probably have a hard time altogether, and my circumstances would become unfortunate. So, its not a matter of god, its a matter of how people treat each other/social politics. This happens.

Give me room to think for myself please....I'll always give you room...just don't insist your circumstances prove anything exclusive or special when it comes to your religion.

The only reason I say any of this is....I have to vent. I am surrounded by "believers" who have no interest in truly knowing themselves, but they still insist you see things their way and jump on their bandwagon that's just as much, if not more confused than my own. WV is not the most progressive place socially. Some really stand out with their "beliefs" as somehow validated by circumstance. If I were born anywhere else....they'd be doing the same things...only a different set of beliefs. This is a fact...now what to do with this in our own lives....that's the question.

My other argument to the "moral issue": Even though I do not believe in the mainstream ideas of god, that doesn't mean I can't be a moral person. I'm NOT an Atheist either....I say that I don't know what all this is.....and that's that. I find more beauty in the world with its mystery than I ever did when I was a believer in that redneck idea of a god everyone told me about. I felt more spiritual once I got away from those ideas. I don't like ideas that limit peoples' lives.....limit them from enjoying life...as well as ideas that have kept me from enjoying my own. If you need your faith to be moral, than by all means, keep it...or shop around for other helpful philosophies. I still borrow from all religions/philosophies. Its just when we exclude the possibility of doubt.....that causes trouble for us all I think.

Life is open....we're the ones who build up boxes to live in.... We're either open....or closed.....or in between open and closed. Either way, we can always start from where we're at......and start over. It's just the people around us who remember things...and try to remind us of who they think we are. Be who you want to be. I'm done writing, my sugar is getting low.

PEACE!
Thanks for reading.

Amercian Beauty quote

2009-03-27T22:32:00.001-04:00

"....I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."-------from the movie: American Beauty

journal

2009-03-26T23:09:00.003-04:00

I'm just writing in a journal form, without stating what I've dealt with over the years...with my ex gf, which is really our shared pain. Its written in a way that others can maybe draw something useful from it(hopefully)....without having to know the details of my particular situation. It has been a great pain among life's other issues.

It is a lid....just another hat..a portion of legos stacked together....just another structure being formed out of thought and its ideas of things with emotional pools being triggered. The thought of yourself, of your life, of what happened those years ago.... are ideas of what happened, holding yourself accountable for not knowing how things would go doesn't free your mind. You will live with these memories for the rest of your life, and if you choose to create and re-create similar renditions of that same old song, you will find yourself in pain every time. If we are creating anyway, why not create a new rendition, with a new flavor, that actually sooths and nourishes your life??? Why not open up to a new way of seeing things?

You have filled your heart with affection for her and her children especially....knowing this is the way. You've not wished for any bittersweetness or "poor me" feelings to lie down with in a hole(marinating), you know this is the easy way, the way of creating that story to keep you company, to oddly comfort you, to excuse you for not having the energy and zest you once did in life. The definitions of the ideal life have hypnotized you into wishing for it....instead of enjoying the life you already have, and going from there.

She's changed, you've changed.....everything's changed. Any story left over is of your own doing...by juggling the details keeping them fresh....by allowing this pattern of memories to play again and again. A new chapter cannot truly begin until you've released the pain and any thoughtforms that produce pain, with respect to this big issue. There may be small fragments lingering, but they usually present themselves only when something stimulates the past memories to bubble up. Live.....then reflect....but don't expect it ever to be always smooth sailing. The sense of "urgency" can be good for some things, but when it comes to emotional things.....sometimes, its not so good. Relax, know this moment.

There is no "bitter sweet", unless there is regret and that lack of acceptance in what has already happened. All you can do is see the big picture with its inclusive nature, and keep moving on. It's a given that you can't turn back the events and change things. Fill yourself with affection and the search for understanding of things....knowing this is the way. You can only go from here, this new blank slate. You can only move from here. Life is open but we're drawing the lines.

From Seed to Bloom by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

2009-03-16T21:27:00.001-04:00

From Seed to Bloom

By Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Bodhichitta, the seed of enlightenment, grows where it’s cultivated. Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche explains six traditional contemplations for developing awakened heart.

The Sanskrit term bodhichitta means “mind of enlightenment,” “seed of enlightenment,” or “awakened heart.” Fundamentally, bodhichitta is the aspiration for others to be happy, to be free from suffering. Absolute bodhichitta is the realization of emptiness, which happens fully at the first bhumi, the path of seeing. Relative or conventional bodhichitta is more immediate. Relative bodhichitta has two aspects: aspiration and entering. Aspiration is positioning ourselves to do something. Before we do something, there’s a thought process involved: we contemplate it. In aspiration, we contemplate all sentient beings having been our mothers, we vow to repay their kindness, and so on. Such thoughts are the heart of contemplative meditation.

We begin by doing sitting meditation until we experience some peace. Out of that we conjure up an intention: “Today I will try to be kind to others.” Then we actually enter, engage in the practice.

Traditionally, we are offered six quintessential instructions on how to generate bodhichitta, all rooted in the ground of equanimity. The point of first cultivating an attitude of equanimity is to open up our view. We tend to have fixed ideas of friends and enemies, and based on that view, we see the world through the lens of good and bad: sharks are bad and bunny rabbits are good; democracy is great and communism is bad.

Equanimity is a spacious, vast, and even state of mind; it does not take sides. It’s not about being untouched by the world, but letting go of fixed ideas. How else are we to develop compassion and loving-kindness for everyone and everything? Equanimity levels the playing field—we are not excluding anyone from our practice. It’s like dealing with two fighting children. Since we’re more experienced with all kinds of trials and tribulations, we know that what they’re arguing about is not really important. We enter with an unbiased view, which is equanimity.

Most of the time we’re trying to figure out a problem based on our attachment. We all believe that if it were not for that one particular person who really irritates us, we’d already be compassionate and understanding. If only that one person weren’t in our way! But she has our number and calls it a lot. Generating bodhichitta helps us deal with problems involving helping others. There are six ways in which we can cultivate this attitude.

The first way is to consider that all sentient beings have been our mothers. Basically, it is our mother who gives us unconditional love. She nurtures and supports us and takes care of us when we are weak. Traditionally, it is said that genuine courage is like that of a mother protecting her child from danger. Regarding all sentient beings as having been our mothers means that at some point, everyone has shown us love and care. The Buddha said that we have all experienced endless lifetimes. If we take this to be true, then every being we encounter has been our mother, father, brother, sister, enemy, friend—everything. If we don’t believe in life after death or rebirth, we can understand this in the context of our present life. From the moment we were born, we’ve had friends who have become our enemies. We’ve been in good situations that have turned bad. We’ve been in bad ones that have turned good. The point of this first instruction is to help support our equanimity by reducing our attachment to relative notions of good and bad.

The second way to generate bodhichitta is to think of the kindness of others. We can contemplate what others have done for us in great and small ways. If all sentient beings have been our mothers, they have, of course, all been kind to us at some point. Even that person who’s got our number has done something good for us—maybe just by passing the salt. Contemplating the kindness of others helps us see the positive aspects of any situation. These are often hard to see—sometimes we just want to stick with our negativity—but this instruction begins to loosen us up. With the budding view of bodhichitta, we begin to look at life and see what is good, even in a bad or chaotic situation. Trying to see things in a more positive light by thinking of the kindness of others churns up our mind and lets the bodhichitta come out.

The third instruction on generating bodhichitta is to repay the kindness of others. This is almost like taking a vow. If we have the view that those who have helped us includes everyone—that even animals have cared for us in some previous lifetime—every encounter becomes an opportunity for us to practice repaying their kindness. This contemplation is part of the aspect of the Mahayana school of Buddhism called the “great activity.” It’s called “great” because this attitude is so vast that it’s difficult to imagine. If we had this attitude even for a moment, we’d begin to see that everyone we meet has helped us, directly or indirectly, and we would want to repay his or her kindness. By taking this attitude in working with others, we could experience our lives in a completely different way.

The fourth way to generate bodhichitta is to develop loving-kindness by contemplating the delightful qualities of others. If we care for someone, we naturally find something delightful in him; that’s what draws us in. In the middle of a meadow, if we saw a mound of dirt with a single flower growing out of it, we would still be able to see the beauty of the flower. We wouldn’t think, “The flowers are beautiful except for that one, because it grew from that pile of dirt.”

So rather than contemplating the shortcomings of others, we see their good qualities and generate loving-kindness towards them. Loving-kindness is associated with wanting others to enjoy happiness. What generally hinders our wanting other people to be happy are heavy emotions such as anger, jealousy, and pride, which obscure our mind. Developing kindness towards others takes the energy out of this emotional confusion.

The next instruction is to generate bodhichitta by contemplating compassion, which is the desire that everyone be free from suffering. Compassion does not mean taking pity on others or having sympathy: “Oh, you poor thing!” Compassion is empathy based on understanding what suffering is. Not only do we see the suffering of others, but we also feel it directly. If we love and care for others, we do not want them to have a hard time. Seeing the suffering of someone who’s very close to us heightens our sense of compassion. We think, “This could happen to me.”

The final instruction on how to generate bodhichitta is to commit ourselves without question to following these instructions. Even though in postmeditation we may not be able to do the bodhichitta practice continuously, we keep our determination strong. We will be kind and compassionate and we will take delight in all beings, with the knowledge that they have helped us. Even if we are the only person in the entire world practicing in this way, we will not stop doing it. Such an adamantine commitment gives us the steadfastness and conviction of the Buddha sitting underneath the bodhi tree.

Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche is spiritual director of Shambhala, an international network of meditation and retreat centers. He is the author of Turning Your Mind into an Ally and Ruling Your World.

From Seed to Bloom, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche Shambhala Sun, January 2007.

this past weekend

2009-03-16T13:46:00.006-04:00

Spent some time with my niece and nephew this weekend. My niece has been learning how to play the viola. They have her learning, "twinkle twinkle" and stuff like that. I showed her how to play those same songs on her little guitar. She's catching on really fast with all of it. They have her viola taped off on the 2nd,4th,5th positions. Right now, all the stuff she's learning is open string, 2,4,5 on the upper two strings in the key of D major. I forget the tuning at this moment, but anything that I transpose for her into tablature racks my brain for a few minutes, because I'm not as familiar with the tuning. I charted up on paper how it was tuned and how the notes(D scale) were positioned. She's not that far into music yet. Right now, they're just exposing them to music....which I think is great. I started late in music....my thing was martial arts...I was hyper and it gave my energy a channel. Its good for kids to learn "how to learn" by having art, music and so on. Martial arts is physical, but its also art.

My nephew's into drawing on a big whiteboard I used for school a couple of years ago. It's actually tile-board from Lowe's that comes in 8ft.X 4ft pieces. Anyway, he loves Spongebob.......and so do I. So we drew a big boat, put fishermen with their poles in the water. Down on the bottom of the ocean floor of course, was "bikini bottom"(spongebob's town). We drew Patrick's, Squidwards, and Spongebob's houses. My nephew also has a little kids drum set. I tried to teach him how to play some simple things while I played some 3chord rhythms on guitar, but he's 5yrs old and still a bit hyper for learning some things. It's always fun to get the kids to play along with whatever I'm playing on the guitar. My niece used to sing and make up songs, but we didn't record it. Some things were really neat and funny. MARTIAL ARTS: I tried to teach nephew some kicks and punches a few weeks ago, because he wanted "to learn some Karate!" It wasn't long after showing him a few things........and giving him the speech, "Don't use this on anyone, walk away if you can..etc."....that he was trying to kick his sister with that really mad look on his face(she was actually baiting him into a fight by kicking at him) . So, I'm going to wait a while before showing either of them anything else. Within a couple months of my own martial arts training, at the age of 10, I went around my neighborhood and abused what I'd learned from time to time. It didn't take long to learn that I would have NO friends if I continued. Not to mention, that I already knew what it felt like to be bullied, so seeing them lose their dignity bothered me. So, my answer to that was to teach the kids in my neighborhood what I knew, so they could defend themselves. I gave them the speech to only use it if only if necessary and couldn't walk away. Anything I could teach them, I would. Whether it was juggling, knife throwing, how to swim, ......they were all my adopted brothers/sisters. I guess, looking back.....I must have been training for the circus or a stage act. :)

WRIST GRABS Defense: I showed both my niece & nephew some basic escape self-defense with "wrist grab" attacks. If you don't know anything about escaping from someone grabbing your wrist.....just keep in mind, the thumb is the weakest part of the hand because its the only finger by its lonely self. So, if you twist and pull(or push) your wrist/arm toward the attackers thumb, you can slip out of it. If they for some reason reach out with two hands and grab, you can make a fist with that hand and with your free hand, grab the fist and pull toward their thumbs. Of course, this is just basic stuff, if you really want to know how to defend yourself well, you should find a martial arts/self-defense school or course in your area. There are probably some basic self-defense courses online for free, but if you really want to know these things you'll have to practice with a partner who's giving some resistance(so that you learn proper technique).

The below quote was posted on: Bighappybuddha.blogspot.com
"People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That's not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn't understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you're given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further." ~Pema Chodron

bAbblegum 2

2009-03-15T21:04:00.011-04:00

"They find fault in one sitting silently
They find fault in one speaking much
They find fault in one speaking in moderation
No one in this world is not found at fault
There has been, there is, and there will be NO person who is ONLY criticized or ONLY praised."---The Buddha(Dhammapada)

The above quote, is important......because in debating or arguing a point recently, I've realized that ya can't take it personal, and that even though you might not take it personal.....some will. People need their security in beliefs, ideas, etc. People fight for the megaphone and steering wheel....in order to steer society in the direction they feel secure about. That's what we do.......or we sit back and watch everyone else do it. Sometimes we comment on how well they're doing.

The truth is no one can change places with anyone, and we're all doing the best we can with what we've got to work with. If someone says they'd do something different than what you've done, tell them that they'd do exactly what you did,.......because they'd be adding things up just the same if they were you. Really, its impossible to switch places, but for those who still want to say things, use that one. It's hard to please everyone.....just like the quote says.

Debate is a great tool for self-discovery.......things bubble up.....& you see yourself, your views you forgot you had. You see that there are still emotional attachments to ideas, points of view. That's a great time to sort things out, and see what the goal is when it comes to debating, or passing on information. What are the goals of the things we do? It goes back to the "carrot" being the hidden reason for actions. They reinforce the sense of who we want to become, or they define us by what we oppose. We need to "point our" fingers as on the movie Scarface....in order to define ourselves. Anyway......I'm babbling..but I hope this post helps someone, somehow.

A good friend mentioned "knowing your enemy" to me this morning. He was talking about knowing/researching the "other side" of the debate and being ready for them to make their move. He's twice my age, and has run for office in the past. He's a lot more political than myself.......although I've had interest in knowing what ideas are competing for the steering wheel.

ABOUT DEBATE: My thoughts are that the most important thing is not to take personally anything about the facts. Secondly, debate in order to get to the truth, not merely to reinforce a point of view you "wish" for the truth to be. (talking to myself all through this)

The next thing would be to state up front your intentions is to get to the truth, not to reinforce your own opinions by shaping/changing facts in order to be "right." Understand that the other parties may cling to their ideas as a form of "security." The problem with things is that there are facts.....the truth in facts.....they cut through the bull.....but, if you cut through the bull by using facts and ALSO getting personal(attack), you're creating an opening for the other side & poisoning the facts.....and veering from the goal of finding the truth.

The goal is to commune and find out the truth. We just have to ask ourselves in debate, "what is the goal?"

Credibility is important......just keep in mind, the quote from the beginning. People give you credit/credibility and sometimes see you as an authority depending on the situation. If you wanted to find or present important facts that would help people, you can taint the argument by making it personal. Maybe not in your mind, but remember, "cred" is in their minds. If a child catches you in a contradiction, .......they'll bring it up every time they're trying to get their way, even though your argument is basically, "do as I say, not as i do."

"Credibility".......is still the "middle man" of transmitting facts and/or ideas. It exists in the minds of others. So its best not to step on toes so quickly, even if you feel your facts are correct. Transmitting facts to people who don't like your tone or delivery, will poison your efforts to help. The only way to find out things is trial and error(whether your error or someone elses). The quote at the start really points out that basically, people are going to see what they're going to see.....in everything and in everyone.

Here are some quotes about "making mistakes":
He [or she] who makes no mistakes, makes nothing. --[can't remember who]

Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting." ~Author Unknown

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~Elbert Hubbard, The Note Book, 1927

If you don't make mistakes, you're not working on hard enough problems. And that's a big mistake. ~F. Wikzek

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. ~John Powell

If a mistake is not a stepping stone, it is a mistake. ~Eli Siegel

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. ~Mel Brooks

Our blunders mostly come from letting our wishes interpret our duties. ~Author Unknown

Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them. ~Andrew V. Mason

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. ~Bill Vaughan

A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. ~James Joyce, Ulysses

From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own. ~Syrus

If you shut your door to all errors truth will be shut out. ~Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds, 1916

FYI & journal entry

2009-03-14T00:16:00.003-04:00

Don't go on your myspace page and announce your opinion of Ayn Rand's work as being less than in any way.

You'll find the hardcore lovers of Ayn Rand will jump out and start an argument. I got pulled into a frenzy.......so I had to delete my buddy's girlfriend from my page, things got out of hand. Yikes! My first mistake was to get worked up about all this "going galt" stuff.....how the rich corporations were talking about striking(cutting workers,etc.) in order to punish everyone.....until they got their way. I should stay away from politics.....when my energy is low (its usually messed up from sugar issues)....when my energy is low its easier to get caught up in old issues I used to be passionate about. It's more difficult to be present with thoughts.

The reactionary patterns are hard to break. I knew that it wasn't good to say anything.....at all......when I became stirred up over social/political issues....but I did it anyway. I could sugarcoat it and call it "passion" as in....the good kind...that I'm passionate about something. It doesn't change things though. I could've been patient when she talked down her nose at me......instead of taking it personal. I took it personal, and allowed the patterns to take hold....and my actions were driven by them. No matter, the issue......who's right or wrong on a subject.......it might be better to wait and cool down/gather oneself before doing anything. My thoughts are trying to justify it because of her personality.......she was aggressive/abrasive anyway....but I've been around much worse types of behavior and worse situations. It shouldn't matter the situation. We're all falling in and out of being awake and asleep to our patterns. My thoughts are wanting closure/clear conscience.......the patterns of beating myself up are trying to come in. Another bit of thought comes in and knows that its no big deal.....

Just thought I'd share an unfiltered journal style entry.
...and if you like Ayn Rand.........please don't be offended, I'm just sharing where I went wrong in my approach of trying to get my argument out. At this moment, I'm more interested in peace.....and have no interest in debating or holding a socio/political point of view at all. It ran its course. Peace of mind is more important at this point. It shouldn't have ever been something personal for myself to identify with the "anti rand" crowd. I should've stated my case better.....and been more thoughtful, or just not said anything. I let that "urgency" emotion/trigger......that sense of urgency drive my actions and thoughts into taking it personal. Wayne Dyer used to have things to say........"stop taking things personally." He'd also say that "we don't know enough to be pessimistic." Those simple little quotes of his.....are very practical.

Cheers, J

romancing the carrot

2009-03-13T12:57:00.007-04:00

You ever watch those videos of birds doing their limb dance? There's one on youtube that does a moonwalk to attract his mate. Type "moonwalk bird" and it will show up.

Romance serves a few purposes. One, to attract a mate in order to make babies, creating a life bond in order to be good parents,etc.........the other purpose of romance is to be a dangling carrot to motivate(expression of meaning in life)....in order for our species to survive, to be successful, and to be efficent. Romance can be anything, not just "romantic love."

For some romance in relationships, it makes life feel worth living...and so the father goes out and works his butt off so he can come home and get some lovin'......yes, the mother does the same of course.......in turn, the children are fed,etc. I've known some women who just wanted to be mothers....and that was enough to motivate. The same goes with a few men I've known...they wanted to be fathers more than anything. So "get'n lov'n" isn't always the motivating factor.....sometimes its feeling needed, being validated as who you feel you are that someone would give you their presence by your side......and so on. Romance doesn't have to mean sex. The word, "romance" can apply to many things. If someone "falls in love" with fishing....it motivates them.

"Romance," in this post means,....however you define romance in order for it to motivate you. If you're an old fashioned person...you'll think about old fashioned romance to motivate you. If you're a swinger, you're going to define romance in terms of a swinging/horndog lifestyle to motivate you to get up in the mornings. Other than that, I'm not going to get into specifics. Like i said in the last paragraph, romance can be fishing.....or boating...or painting.....whatever you love to do.....that motivates you and gives your life meaning. We might only partially be romantic about some carrots.

....you'll find other purposes to motivate you in life. They might be from day to day or hour to hour....but something will capture your attention. Some carrot will be dangling....getting us to move.

I know so many folks who are on different drugs. They're driven by an accompanying philosophy that they use to justify chasing drink and drugs. We do the same thing with everything else.....only drugs are dangerous and can be deadly. This past December a friend of mine passed away from mixing drugs in large doses. Something in life broke his heart....his worldview manifested out of using drugs and all the ups and downs of withdrawal. If you form your worldview out of using/depending on drugs.....its going to be based on misunderstanding no matter how much you feel its true. My friend created a worldview that motivated him to keep using hard/dangerous drugs....but he could've created one that freed him from trying to live up to what he felt were the demands of society/world. He was a good/decent person, that felt that his life was over, he told people that he wouldn't be around much longer last summer....he died two months after turning 30 years old. He convinced himself that all women were the same.......and life was "absolutely" the way he saw it. Another older musician friend of mine had many times used the phrase, "life is wide open." I thought this phrase could've been the anecdote for my friend who died....if he'd seen the fact that just because he felt "positivity" was BS, that didn't make the opposite of it some kind of truth by default.

....That just because he felt that there is no meaning in life......doesn't mean that life is meaningless. It already has its own meaning that we may not even be able to grasp or put into words....well, because language/words are an expression of life and not the things they represent. "The menu isn't the meal."

Life is open, but we draw the lines.........where ever we want. We are the masters of our vision of the world. We romance the carrot. It's up to us to question the carrot because of our being programmed by society/tradition/culture. We still might have carrots/motivations/ideas/beliefs/notions that we might not want in our lives. Like if you catch yourself judging someone in a nonproductive way, and you know you're just hungry or tired.....and that you don't want to have this activity/worldview in your life.....you can see it, and see the choice to let it go. It's not a must to allow that reaction pattern play out & manifest itself in your actions. Its something left over from how society has taught us to be.

Even though we stumble, its natural.

What we're doing is dangling a carrot everyday.....every minute....every second.....to get us to move and do something with our life(motivate/shape/express ourselves).

It doesn't matter how small of a task.......it is an expression of life itself.

Many Best Wishes,
Jeremy

FYI about Lock Bump keys

2009-03-06T15:31:00.005-05:00

This is just a FYI.....for everyone. So you know what the thieves already know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr23tpWX8lM

Also check out this site:
http://www.lockbumping.org/

HOW to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpu34uLc0MI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yc67MAb7BQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwTVBWCijEQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O83MxpEJVVA

Share this with friends/family........but not friends who might get ideas.

bAbble gum & a poem thAng

2009-03-06T01:45:00.007-05:00

From day to day, I am as I do....never finished. I am not finished "becoming"..... and we never really "become"(in the sense we'd like-forever!)...even though we try. We are "as we do." I am a ripple...in the waters of an empty bucket. It's all happening, and the "me" is just another part of experience......the "me" is not actually doing anything. Thought leads the way, and rewards or blames a projected character KNOWN as the "me." It is something added....if you are aware of "you" then what is it that's aware of "you"? (infinite regression) The terrain of thought patterns known like any other place.......like paint on the walls of memory. It's all just happening. ....we know not what we do....innocence engulfing the universe totally/completely. Can awareness become aware of awareness......or can it only be aware of objects of awareness? What is awareness? We know that the "objects" include everything from an itch, thoughts, emotions, a rock on the ground, other people, the universe, and even the feeling I have of my "self." If everything I'm aware of is an object of awareness including my self and also all the thoughts surrounding that feeling of the self.....then how can "I" be an object of awareness.....if it includes the "I" that is saying it? There is simply thought thinking..then the act of saying.....then thought projecting the "I" as the sayer when needed to project it. We're taught to create ownership. "Me/that's minez...." That's a conceptual thing.....but if you ran into a tribe in a jungle that didn't have a concept of "mine" but instead had a group concept....that it was all the group's not just one individual.....they might not understand "mine." Aha!

If you can see your self in your mind's eye in any way, shape, or form....as an object of awareness, just like everything else is an object of awareness then how can it, alone or otherwise, be who you are(present tense)? If you "know" yourself.....remember that what is known is memory. You are projecting what you know about yourself in the present moment in the form of a self image. That image is what you're taught to add/subtract from in society's board game(self worth). I'm babbling....take all this with a grain of salt...or pepper, whatever floats your tongue. ;)

Here's a poem thing I wrote tonight:
When my sugar is right, the eagle takes flight, doesn't leave a trace in the sky
when I'm feeling healthy, I'm already wealthy, it isn't a matter of money really

A suitcase I carry 'round, no bricks with bounds, doesn't mean I don't ever cry
A real case among the birds, singing notes as whole words, it isn't the same everywhere

Some memories feel like they're someone elses.
and there are only so many words to use as pointers.

another quote from the same source

2009-03-05T18:08:00.004-05:00

"(blank).....is like a woman who was carrying a [jar] full of meal. While she was walking along [a] distant road, the handle of the jar broke and the meal spilled behind her [along] the road. She didn't know it; she hadn't noticed a problem. When she reached her house, she put the jar down and discovered that it was empty."

This is another quote from the same source......its not Zen(Buddhist) or Taoist but could be mistaken for either.

BTW, If you google either of these, put the words in quotes......you'll find it quicker that way.

AND.....If you can't find it, please let me know.....I'll spill the beans. :)

a teacher talking about present moment

2009-03-05T14:48:00.004-05:00

There was a teacher [from what we can tell] who once who tried to talk about the present moment with his students. He had a difficult time explaining things to them because of their beliefs. His obstacle was a belief system and traditions already in place in his country, along with strict religious laws among the people. He had a hard time getting across to these folks. His task was to explain things in terms they could understand....until they were ready to hear more. Over the many ages, his original teachings were in my opinion(along with many others)... lost in translation, but if you have experience in Eastern thought, you'll still see specks of the original teachings in tact throughout all the translated texts. From that Eastern context, you can fill in the blanks. Several tales were taken from the Egyptian Book of the Dead and attributed to this teacher. The "game of telephone"(gossip) is a good example of how things are changed.....during translation and when they're being passed down. Telling tales....was a form of entertainment throughout the ages....no radio, tv,etc.

The teacher told his students this:
".....and you do not know how to examine the present moment."

I only posted this small portion of the quote because if you google that statement, you'll find it was not the "Buddha" who said it.

cheers

a few from my other blog

2009-02-24T14:46:00.002-05:00

Monday, November 10, 2008

approaching the moment as if just arriving..

Approach the moment as if just arriving...
for the moment is all there ever is...

The moment is where you can stop going down one road,
and choose to let go.....and start on a completely new road.

The moment is where you can decide to create your life
"as it happens"....not limited to past opinions of yourself or others.

We are... "as we do"...in the moment...

Keeping on the sunny side is choosing to enjoy the ride each step...since its one moment at a time...and in each moment is where we create our lives.

Approach the moment as if just arriving...

remind me of this

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Mind origami - we’re building a case...

We're building a case for everything.....using the traditional method of mind origami..... folding thoughts into reasons....

What kind of case are we building? We're building a case for everything. Does the case we're building for our world view include a sense that we're all in this together? Or is it based on fears? Or hope? Or distrust of people in general? Or our religious views? Do we think we should only look out for ourselves, because in the past people have let us down?? Do we see people as basically selfish?? Or do we see them as innocent and ignorant of their own lapses? How do we view the world? Life??

Each day, we wake up and build a case for all aspects of our lives.....but we aren't taught to be in touch with it. We have so many vague ideas that we base our actions from....myself included in this of course. I'm still working on it, every day.

We build a case to justify our actions, to live the way we do, to do whatever it is we do....we're always building a case. Not in defense necessarily, but we're adding up "why" we should do what we do or think what we think or believe what we believe......even if its not that clear to us that we're building a case. That case is the basis for our actions. So, shouldn't we be at least a little in touch with the details of our case(s)?? I don't know....just making conversation...

Fall 2008

A cup of coffee, watching two white dogs running along the road ahead of of two teenagers, (a boy and a girl). The sun is out and shining on everything. It's "raining leaves" and there's a light breeze. A week ago, you could really notice how the sun had shifted position in the sky quite a bit since summer. You can smell the air in the fall and the nose flavor takes you back to years past. Images flash in your mind of old friends and the days that probably only you remember. Those dogs out there look to be "on purpose" and for the moment soaking up life with the sun nourishing the present narration of their journey. The brightness of the sun outlines the dogs with an illuminating glow. We're all characters in this eternal epic play. Even the dogs. Even the leaves. For the moment...fall reminds us to enjoy the weather because cold days are coming. For the "moment"...is all we ever have, if we "have" anything at all. You could say that we are the "moment." You could also say that we are our entire lives from start to finish, every face, ever word, every emotion constructed, all our knowledge, all we've seen, every personality we've encountered....all of it...the whole scrap book. You could also say that the idea of separation...that we exist apart from everything else is an illusion.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

magic bubble of all experience

Magic Bubble

This is a blog continuing the ideas from earlier blogs about the carrots. Knowing that your immediate reward for being positive is itself a reward....immediately, & one can figure out that as you do something your outlook and surrounding thoughts about your action create a bubble around what you do. I'm out of breath now..lol. That was a long sentence there...

After you decide the flavor you seek and the angle you wish to use to see things.......your goggles that you put on....is what I mean.....after you decide, its like dipping your bubble ring stick down into that particular solution and blowing a bubble to surround the experience...and record it in memory. We use our memory to mix up a batch of solution to create a bubble in each moment...usually just out of habit. This is what we've been taught to do. Only we're not taught that we have the freedom to escape a linear continuity we've been taught to believe in....which is the reason we feel we're not free at times....and become caught up in low energy thoughts that continue to drag us down. It's easy to say this but harder to see it and live it...

Anyway, hopefully this blog offers you some freedom to create your own bubble of positivity. You know the vague notions people offer for reasons to remain cynical....you can be skeptical, but that doesn't mean you have to be cynical as they say. I always write to myself as I write to the reader...

Best wishes

Friday, June 13, 2008

’In one motion’: Tao of carrots revisited

IN ONE MOTION, a thought process creates the subject, the object to be gained(the end, the carrot, the goal)and the picture/story/setting/plot-line of how to get it and so on................out of thin air(memory). Many presuppositions in that whole process that takes place. The presuppositions are shaped according to a way that may or may not be beneficial to the hand reaching for the carrot( "me").

Hope this isn't too confusing.....tried to keep it simple..its a big subject to tackle.

I just wanted to add that....being positive, is its own very immediate reward(carrot) along the journey of life. [instead of the popular stance of being cynical, as to avoid disappointment] I am saying this to myself just as much to the reader. :)

Best Wishes

old poem watchamacallits

2009-02-19T14:34:00.002-05:00

"undefinite"
thawed hearts, surrendering, accepting, healing
fences and partitions fall into a new feeling
Shadows of time's tail chased itself round & round,
memory's art piece songs clinging like web tightly bound

coming back to life smiling at glimmering sparkles warm & pat you on the back
through the dark we fence the shadows find our way out get back on track
the river flows no matter the view, the when, where, what, how or who
the air gets moving carrying waves, in silence the dropped point of view...yabba dabba doooooooooooooo

"the stream is a mystery"
"Say hello in there..."
are we all so forgettable?
Life gets busy...and passes us by...
are we all so forgettable?
The cold dry winds chip away at all that we hold dear...
we forget that we ...don't know ourselves.
Who we are now will become but a whisper...
we don't know .......that we can forget ourselves.

The silence of the night, a feeling of......... emptiness,
a curtain hides the light from a man who holds on tight,
"elegant echoes of the universe" express ..............emptiness,
the man, the "holds on tight," the light, and the curtain are ONE more-or-less.

The stream is a mystery
all that you know is before your mind's eye
"I" reside in functioning memory
Who sees the seer, who sees the "I"

"Weird poem thing"
drinking coffee like never before...
shudder to think when I blink closing the door..
catch a phrase on the winds beneath..
the cost to be lost, a tooth for some teeth..

meditation-blogging

2009-02-18T22:53:00.005-05:00

I need to do some sitting meditation again. Falling asleep used to happen often before. It's been a while since I've done any sitting meditation. My mind sometimes just goes on....especially while I'm asleep; I dream all night it seems. Back in 2006-ish I found plans online for building a seiza bench for mediation. It actually worked out well. When there was a regular meditation routine, there were practical benefits noticed. As some might say, "there is no goal in sitting meditation" we take part for the sake of taking part in meditation. The act of seeing,......the content of one's mind, one's experience as it is without adding more thought about what is coming and going.... letting go of... even the flood of insights after giving in and writing them down for the first 20 minutes. Its difficult to get past writing down notes....lol. Maybe this season will be different, since its been a while. We will see. :)

It's all in our heads...even color is in our minds. Its our minds interpretation of how fast light reflects off of surfaces.

Blogging and commenting on blogs doesn't really offer a total look into one's life, but aspects/commonalities we share can be offered. We can learn from each other.

Life is open, its our thoughts that draw the lines. People have their minds made up sometimes, and also we have limitations sometimes but life is still open.

Wayne Dyer says this a lot. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Ten years ago, I might not have listened to that....but we do create our mental environment. We also choose to buy into the notion we're deluding ourselves by being cheerful or forgiving. If we convince ourselves being that way is weak and BS, then that's the mental envrionment we're creating......we're ruling out enjoying life unless we get what we want. Life is open.....our minds are what closes up the enjoyment factor. It's just really hard sometimes to grasp the whole of life and accept things....its an art in itself. Seeing things is a big part of it wouldn't you say?

I'm glad I'm not getting graded for my blogs. lol.

mixed bag of topics--breaking things down a little

2009-02-14T22:50:00.005-05:00

FLAWS
I had a talk the other night with a friend. She said she'd be the first to admit she was flawed. I understood what she meant, and I've said this countless times myself. I was tired that night, and tried to explain my views on all that....I don't think I explained very well, but thought maybe I'd try to write a blog instead.

It's a given that any "flaw" is relative to some point of view...and points of view are limited. On one level, when it comes to standards of society, ideals, etc.....we're all flawed by comparison with those abstractions and concepts in the board game of modern life(society/culture). Our personalities, & our thoughts may be flawed. Then if we compare our bodies with others, we might find flaws that we don't like. So, we have the mind flaws and body flaws....that are all relative to standards and ideas of "what should be." So, we're striving to match up with that ideal, and we say, "I am flawed." We are only flawed, when we compare....then there is the element of time that comes in. The space between how things are now........and how you think they should be.

I understand that there are facts that when we see they "should be" changed,...maybe they should be. I'm not arguing with that. My point is that if we live our whole lives, not seeing the other side of this game.....this game of comparing, then we're living fully in the game, without feeling the freedom from the rules that we are unconsciously agreeing to live in. Our reality becomes limited to the rules of the game,....and we see no other way, but to react, compare, match up, define ourselves by society's terms, and all that stuff0rz.

I know that one ideal, is to admit that I have flaws.....so people know that I know that I have flaws and don't think that I think that I'm better than anyone else.....man, I'm out of breath with that one..lol. I'm not saying this is wrong or right....because that's relative too, to a point of view(eye of the beholder).....I'm just pointing out this thought pattern, that's all. But we've got to sell ourselves, and tell people how we think, and so that's one line that I use myself. Many use it. We're making the best of our situation, and i love it!! :) In each moment, we create ourselves from memory...sustaining our version of reality...like the hard drive and RAM and processor. Some of us might need to update our Bios...hardy har har. *sigh*....at least I can make myself laugh.

ABSOLUTE INNOCENCE
The vulnerability and fragility of everything and everyone, is difficult to see. To see absolute innocence in everything and everyone is difficult to see. If you ever get a glimpse of it, it's something else. Of course, most of us want to identify with "being strong" and to not let ourselves be vulnerable by seeing the innocence because it's perceived as weakness. We also, remind ourselves of what we might look like...."no, I don't want to come off that way." We remember others in our lives who might have talked that way, and they might have seemed off a little, so we don't want to identify with anything associated with their ideas....geez. We really put ourselves in a bind don't we? I've been there for sure. I read someone's blog, he mentioned how we dont' seem to take spiritual advice unless it comes from superman. I'd like to add, that we seem to quote a lot of famous people.....but I've seen quotes from regular unknown folks like yourselves....that were just as good as famous folks on the scale of "summing up things."

Anyway, to see the innocence, helps us forgive and forget.....but it doesn't mean to let ourselves become a welcome mat. It also, allows us to forgive ourselves......all around inner peace may blossom.....even if its only until the next challenge appears. :)

BEATING OURSELVES UP over our ideals
Another issue is that one issue where we "beat ourselves up" when we make a mistake. Society wants us to do this....to show we're upset with our actions. I'm 31, and I'd say my entire life I'd beat myself up over things....I have been harder on myself than I've been on anyone else.

I found that my reaction to beat myself up was partly guilt/worry of not thinking of others or not thinking/doing the right thing somehow. I know I wouldn't want anyone hurt on my behalf.....so there would naturally be concern for others. Sometimes there'd be something not so much a big deal, and I'd still be blowing it out of proportion, beating myself up, so other people around me knew I was an idealist/serious principled guy and was genuine and meant it....I punished myself for the sake of my ideals.....lol. Geez. Now, I realize that I put myself under a lot of stress and that ideals can be communicated in other ways. If I hadn't taken up meditation, studying Eastern philosophies, and just talking to people with an interest in soaking up things (when I'd remember to),....my life would be different. I'd be drinking, or on drugs....or in a major depression with no way of loosening the ideas, definitions, that we live by in our culture/society. My life would be 100% lost in the rules of the game.

I wish you all well on your very own unique paths. Enjoy it when you can remember to do so. I'll do the same. :) I thank you for reading!

Spiritual Gamesmanship by Alan Watts(mp3 link)

2009-02-13T12:52:00.005-05:00

Alan Watts explains the "spiritual gamesmanship" of different schools of thought...all over the world. Enjoy and share this!! :D

http://diydharma.org/audio/download/1361/Alan+Watts+-+11+-+Gamesmanship+in+spiritual+practice.mp3

Alan Watts had a way of explaining things.
Cheers! --Jeremy

"Genuine" ???

2009-02-12T19:22:00.005-05:00

"Genuine" ???
You ever have someone tell you that you "do have an opinion" on a certain issue, when you don't have one? They insist that you're lying, or denying an emotion on an issue. They pry at you to "be honest, you know you hate them"....when you know your own mind's workings better than anyone, and already know what kind of outlook you are trying to develop. I've run into this from time to time. You can choose to not get caught up in a political/social issue, because you realize there's a choice not to pick that manure up and play with it for entertainment.

Some folks dont' accept that, they feel that to be "genuine" you've got to either stand "for or against" things. That's when communication becomes a real challenge.

Also, if you are overly nice, polite, etc....some folks see that as "not genuine" which is another challenge in communication. Some people have been conned, and resent "overly nice people" for security reasons. That's a natural reaction. A friend of mine, who recently passed away, told me one time that "some people that you're nice to, might find your "niceness" cheap because they didn't earn it yet....that you haven't gotten to know them well enough yet, and you're already giving them free love and free trust." I understood what he was getting at, and had thought about that in the past, but he worded it even better than my paraphrase. There are other reasons people are distant with those smiling faces. It comes back to that old line, "nobody can be that happy.." You start wondering, "what's this guy(or gal) selling?!!"

There are also people who know that there's a game going on but have stopped investigating things for the time being. They know people are playing a game of some kind, that people are on their own trips and that you can trust some. For most part, they feel people can't be trusted or counted on...so they throw their hands up in the air. They've been so disappointed in the past. I include myself in this. Sometimes we sit on top of the disappointment in people, in general...its almost comforting in a way to give up on people...........and we don't see a choice in perception of how to engage with life, how to approach life. I include myself in all this, I've been through all these at one point or another...its natural. These days, I'm not so much involved in this stuff though. Though, there are always things to work on.

I have no advice, or wondrous knowledge to give, I only write to share thoughts, in hopes that something is helpful to someone. Hopefully, if you've found yourself closed to people, like I have in my own life at times, maybe something here will spark a new way of looking at things. I have no idea if anyone will read this much of my stuff, I get long winded...lol. :)

I don't want to question whether people are genuine....that is like building a case "for or against" humanity and including everyone. If you're already leaning toward giving up on people, you'll find a reason to be disappointed in people because people are human and make mistakes. Its a choice, I think....to let go and start over, each moment, each day, each week, month....and so on. It's not always easy. This concludes the "genuine" question portion of the blog. :D

insomnia inspired blog & what might have been

2009-02-11T11:27:00.004-05:00

These were taken from my other blog(clipped out extra stuff):

Roles
Once you realize the role(s) you're in, when it comes to family or whatever...you realize your role is to be done no matter whether you're recognized for it or not. I'm pulling out of the funk I was in this past year....and hopefully will continue to stay in the clear view.

Communication
I'm finding that a lot of frustration that builds up when there's a mis-communication is that I was not able to communicate effectively. If communication was the goal, I couldn't take personal anything that was said(or the fact that I am misunderstood). I would put more energy in communication than taking anything personal.

Benefit of the doubt
Generally I try to start each day, a new day....I don't want to hold grudges. I try to give the benefit of the doubt....by letting go of things. I do remember things, but try not to let it get in the way.

Insomnia

I am currently suffering from the "every other day insomnia." It's every other night, not night after night.....I can't sleep. (Written December of 2008)

Extra blog from Dec.2008:
"what might have been"

Any thought of "what might have been" is a recipe for pain/distress/etc. It can cause the SUPER-ECHO that causes a mental avalanche of despair. NOTE: (You'll enjoy this mp3)Here's an Alan W. Watts mp3, that talks about self consciousness being an echo. http://diydharma.org/audio/download/1355/Alan+Watts+-+05+-+The+limits+of+self-awareness.mp3

Won't go into details...but I know that most of us do this at some point in our lives. Just thought I'd bring it up, in case this helps someone realize they're doing it and to stop it!! You're not alone in looking back, but you can't go back, you can only go from where you are......its always now....the blank slate to keep living and doing something from here. Only you can change how you think...and when you do, its always NOW. Let go, no regrets...we all would've done something different if we could go back....all of us would change something if we could go back......but we can't....it doesn't work like that.

You can only shape your thinking here and now by making peace with those "bricks in that suitcase"...heal, let go...and go from here.

Even if you have to make peace with it, over and over during your whole life....always have to do the same thing. Make peace with and accept things as they already are......and go from here in the present moment.

Of course, I'm telling myself this more than I'm telling you this....hopefully it helps someone.

from bottom to infinity(zero Ohms)

2009-02-11T02:22:00.003-05:00

Depression/hitting the bottom can be a catalyst for change.
There have been times where losing all will in life, dying inside have sparked a sense of freedom....of coming back from the dead. Not that I wanted to feel this way, but life's details with the combination of tradition teaching me to weigh my self-worth and how to define myself based on success/failures/loss/etc. caused me to lose all will. We're taught to compare our lives with the current standard of society....which changes with each generation. So, tradition is not absolute. It is relative, inconsistent, and dependent....and ever changing.

Once the perpetual creation of the presence of the self starts back up it tricks the mind into playing the game again. Its still a part of nature. The "Traditional Kernel" has been developed like open source software down through the ages.....down to our parents and down to us. It includes thought patterns, instincts, and the other biological/physiological coding. These "drivers" and "operating systems" are what we've got to work with. Might as well try to accept that we have to think. The only trick is to find out and troubleshoot the "mis-step" and find the "bugs" in the software without taking it personal....because what's taking it personal is the software itself.

The mind's projection of the ego/self image, is absolutely a part of nature....almost like the social mindsets of animals that pack together in groups in order to be more efficient and successful in surviving as a whole species. We use the ego as an ID in society, but we've also figured out a way to dangle carrots in our minds....and when we get something....we reward ourselves in our minds/releasing pleasure chemicals. With our imaginations, we've went beyond simple survival.....and created meaning to motivate ourselves. Somewhere a momentum started to find, to create meaning.......as if there's no meaning already without our creation of it. Maybe the fact that anything exists....maybe everything already has its own absolute value and meaning...that we'll never know what it is. For something to be known, it has to be memory....is the self memory? Am "I" memory? To see "absolute meaning" as it is in the present would be something huh? That's what the sages all point to anyway....the present moment.

There are times as a human being, resentment can build toward the way things are in the world. I remember a while back, I looked at a picture of some planet in another galaxy. It struck me that if life ever evolved to create beings such as ourselves on that planet, they'd use "thought" and deduction and measurement and comparison, just like we do. It's a part of the package deal in existence.....its a part of nature that "we know not what we do."

It's not always easy to see that, to feel it all the time.........or even share this with people. I'm just taking a chance and throwing all this out there, in hopes someone can use it.

In electricity
Zero Ohms(resistance)= Infinite Amps(current/flow)
When I saw this in class, it was amazing at how it fit right in with philosophy. (especially Taoism)

My insomnia kept me up late, so I'll leave it here and try to get some sleep. Nite all.

Birdwatching this morning...01/15/09

2009-02-10T20:37:00.002-05:00

[from my other blog-Thursday, January 15, 2009 ]
This morning:
It was a good day for birdwatching.......(snowing & they were hanging out at the feeders)
There were sparrows(different kinds), goldfinches, cardinals, titmice, chickadees, nuthatches, dark eyed juncos, doves, towhees, woodpeckers, and bluejays all eating together in my back yard(I think I named them all). I threw some mixed seed on the ground away from where the feeders are. So, they were all over the ground and feeders. Of course, when the bluejays would swoop down, a lot of times they'd scare off the other birds. Then when they'd realize, "oh it was just the jays..." they'd come back and feed some more. Across the yard, not too far off...was a pile of peanuts that the crows were feeding on at the same time all these other birds were around. I set out some Spam we had in the fridge by the peanuts. I thought maybe the crows would dive into that stuff but they seemed to avoid it. I had it on a paper plate. They ate the peanuts around it though. It's just too interesting to watch these animals.
Didn't see any purple finches out today.
The wrens were out, but they weren't in the feeding frenzy...they aren't social birds like that. I saw them one day eating some crushed peanuts I threw out...but they don't get involved with a feast like the other birds.
Another cool sight, was a crow drinking out of the creek, while two ducks were swimming upstream right by it. You don't see that very often.
Come to think of it, these crows could be ravens.....but I'm not an expert. Maybe I'll look up them up shortly.

Feeding the birds

2009-02-10T20:34:00.000-05:00

[Saturday, January 03, 2009 ]--taken from my other blog

Feeding the birds

The gold finches, chickadees, and every now and then the titmice will show up feeding on the sunflower seed in the feeders. I think the goldfinches bug the titmice. Anyway, we have the mixture of seeds to throw on the ground near the tree, but not under. The doves and other birds eat that. Every once in a while, you'll actually have a sparrow sitting on the feeder. It's pretty weird to see, like its weird to see a hippo eating meat or a deer stomping birds and eating their skulls for calcium....but it happens(they showed it on that there tv).

On the ground, you'll have the various sparrows(even the ones that race across the yard), the doves, the cardinal sometimes, and others. Each type of bird has its own rhythm and personality pattern.

One day a while back, a grackle showed up and had breakfast and lunch with the doves. The lone grackle and the doves looked like they all ate together all the time. No fuss. Grackles are sorta like a cross between cowbirds and crows...with whitish eyes. They're not as big as crows but you could mistake it for a crow. It's eyes are whitish-yellow.....and they have that coloration of dark purple/green tint around their head/neck that changes color depending the lighting. Really, if you see a bird that looks like a crow, but has white eyes and isn't as big as a crow.....its probably a grackle.

The wrens are the funniest birds by far. They don't eat with the other birds at all...but they do find some crackers,crushed peanuts or other items that I throw out sometimes. We've had them put nests inside the garage(they found a way to get in and out)....inside flower pots on the porch that we walk and sit by....and they aren't afraid of you. They'll put up a fuss until they get used to you being around. Even then, those birds have about a million different calls they use. Wrens are such characters. About a week ago, I heard some noise in the garage, and it was a wren knocking crap over. I think it had been staying in an old nest inside a toolbox. I may take some pictures of one nest soon. Wrens will destroy butterflies. There was a butterfly swarm last summer, saw all kinds of wings laying around.

The crows found the shell peanuts I threw out. They were breaking them open and getting the goodies inside. Those birds are characters too.....I wish I had a pet crow, but I heard its illegal to own an American Crow. That's why people buy crows from other countries...those white and black crows from down South are legal.

The chickadees and goldfinches and even the titmice see me go out in the yard with the bags of seed. They fly off but don't go far. They wait until I'm done, and as I'm walking away....they'll fly back and start feeding before I get to the steps. I think one was in the tree the other day, because I had birdcrap on the back of my shirt.....that's a fine howdy-doo(pun intended). Ya don't ever want to look up tree with your mouth open.

The doves, they're a little more spookable. I'm just glad we don't have pigeonS like in the city. Although, one time when I lived in St. Albans, our neighbor had a pigeon show up, which was pretty neat. They would throw down bread and other things for it. It stayed around their house for a few weeks and then one day must have flown back downtown.

Sometimes its nice to sit on the porch in winter, in the quiet....while the chickadees or other birds eat. Out of the silence, the little crunching sounds appear....along with their calls....and everything goes back into silence. Silence before, silence after.......aside from the thinking that might go on.

what I tell myself during the blues

2009-02-10T18:35:00.003-05:00

(Taken from my myspace blog & edited/updated)

I tell myself this as much as anyone reading.
The moments I find any sort of peace after distress/depression(or whatever) are usually when the attention pulls away and drops away from ideas and images of what I think is going on and settles in the present moment.

In a way its like being happy to just exist at all...happy to experience the "ups and downs and everything in between" at all. It's an unspoken/"gestured" agreement & acceptance that the package deal of living/existing means...you're going to have ups AND downs...possibly gain and loss......all things that come to you, will go in one way or another. All things are temporary. No one really "has" anything so to speak....no more, no less...we're all in the same boat. We could get technical at different levels, but let's not and say that we did......for now...lol.

We buy into definitions as psychological currency and social stock....and play that game, but we still have a choice...a choice to see the limitation we put on ourselves when we do play that game of defining our life as this or that.....how can you be a definition...if its an object of awareness? Or even a bunch of words? Or even the idea you have of yourself?? You're not an idea...because if you were, how could you be aware of it...if its you...if its you, who's aware of it? When you're 20 you're going to define your life one way, when you're 30 it'll be another way, when you're 80....it'll be another way....So, which definition was right? Or are self-definitions like condoms? Ok, maybe that was a bit of a stretch. ;) I know that we need meaning in our lives, and so, I'll stop there. That's another subject we can delve into later. "Is there already meaning, before we search for it?" That is a good question.

Don't compare your life with anothers either. Its your own music....check it out...dance to it. What would you tell a child if they were down on their luck?? Tell yourself what you'd tell a child who's finding their way in life. We're just older sophisticated children...we don't have this figured out all the way....we're always finding our way.

a little about me

2009-02-10T13:21:00.003-05:00

I won't go into it much, but last summer I had several panic attacks. Not anxiety attacks, PANIC attacks, with physical symptoms associated with panic attacks. I was stressed, and did have anxiety building up about my life. I fell out of work, money had run out, I had to sell my truck, the future was looking very uncertain. That uncertainty was overwhelming. Other possible triggers were ideas surrounding my health. I have never been to the doctor for my sugar, but I've tested it with my meter and other peoples' meters, and it's been relatively higher than is should be. Plus, I have partied a little in my day. So with all these things, I added up that something could be wrong with me. I wasn't feeling well, and so became anxious about every little sensation or dizzy feeling....basically psyched myself into a panic. I also convinced myself that I was agoraphobic....so, I'm going to stop there. I'm still hanging around the house most of the time.

I have a big interest in Zen Buddhism, though I wouldn't call myself a zen buddhist because the label can be what people get caught up in. They say that to study Buddhism is to study yourself. I was already studying Buddhism over the years and didn't know it. To some, who don't know why I question things, I'm just neurotic...lol. Which I can understand that, because I have one foot in tradition and the other foot in questioning traditional thinking....so naturally it's a bit neurotic to be a Westerner who tries to live in the matrix of tradition and also at the same time be free of it. It may look that way because its a big big big task to take up....trying to see “if there can be a fundamental change in consciousness”.....as they might say. It's far easier to just fall into the same patterns of behavior that we're taught by our peers, than to take the risk of thinking differently. So, basically if you take up studying yourself, its like adding “extra homework” to your life in a way. It can make life stranger.....and more confusing if you're not completely sick of life the way it is. I was sick of the way life was going when my search started.

My search started around the time my grandmother became ill. A Wayne Dyer tv special was on PBS. I was worried about my grandmother and found myself open to what he was saying. Then my grandmother died and a search for some answers began. I was involved in church when I was younger, but things changed and I decided it wasn't for me. So, there was an investigation into whether anything else out there clicked.

The years after my grandmother died, I read many books and listened to many audio talks of different teachers/speakers,etc. I had remembered experiences when I was younger that were validated by what I was reading. When I had early childhood experiences of naturally stumbling onto "self-inquiry," they seemed so odd and a little scary then. I remember thinking, "if I keep this up, I might go crazy." I even remember asking a friend of mine if they noticed that the "me" was right there....”in my mind...so who sees it?” Of course, back then I couldn't explain it like that but I remember trying to explain it. There was no frame of reference for self inquiry or what meditation was. So, when I had those experiences as a kid, it was so odd and socially unacceptable even among children, I covered up that whole thing and was in denial about it as being useful or important or noteworthy. Anyway, during my search those memories during my childhood surfaced. I think children stumble on these things because they're still open and learning in life. Though, if I'd been born in India, instead of the Western world, I might have known about these things.

Please don't judge, but I have experimented with psychedelic mushrooms. The idea was to have a mystical experience and of course there were some very interesting/noteworthy experiences. I'll eventually post some notes I wrote down, and some things I wrote following the experiences. I DO NOT encourage any use of any mind altering substance. You use your own judgment and read up on the risks. You don't need these things. I will say though, those few experiences added a point of reference so to speak. However, again...you don't need them. You can meditate and dedicate yourself to meditation/self inquiry and gain insights/understanding this way, which is a lot safer/healthier.

I'm an electrician out of work...who's living with his parents. Yippy! I might do better with George Costanza's line from Seinfeld. As of right now, I'm undecided about what kind of work I want to start searching for....might go for office work. Not sure yet. I live in Charleston,WV. I used to be in martial arts as a kid. I'm into playing guitar, bass, mandolin....and I've been trying to sing a little the past few years.

I really enjoy talks about life. I've learned a lot from talking with people and look forward to talking with anyone reading this.

Anyway, once I get situated with this account, I'll start visiting other pages and hope to meet interesting folks. If I ever disappear for a few days, its because I'll be busy with things, but I'll be back soon. Until next time, Take care. --J.

new to blogspot

2009-02-09T23:24:00.001-05:00

I'm new. It's late at night and went ahead and signed up. Usually there are many ideas to blog about, but tonight sleepiness has set in. How exciting! Yes, that's what I thought too. I see I've already goofed up one part of my page, we'll see if it can be changed later. For now, I'll just let ya know that my interests are life, zen, alan watts, krishnamurti, shunryu suzuki, and many many many other subjects similar to these. Also, I play guitar, bass, mandolin and sing a little. Blogging helps get out ideas that might attempt to slurp up/sum up life's struggles. Good communication is important when it comes to conveying ideas....and I'm not the greatest communicator. I try. I'm not trying to sell myself, nor am I trying not to sell myself...I'm just saying that at times, its difficult to convey Eastern ideas and I try my best. Yeah, I know....I'm neurotic. I already knew that. You can't sneak one over on me......or can you?!!

Blogger has a very nice setup for blogging.

I enjoy birdwatching a great deal. Being out in nature is very nice. Anyway, I hope that I didn't goof up my blog already. I think I may enjoy this. Ok, I checked the issue and I fixed it. They've made it easy to get around this thing too.

Please check back for my blogs. I will dive deep and hope you'll join me.
cheers!