Life is open: sharing my mushroom experiences

Please don't judge me for experimenting with shrooms or even sharing my experiences. I think you can take something from my stories without having to try these things yourselves. EDIT: My interpretations of my experiences are more "romantic" than scientific...but there remains some "scientific" analysis in my stories here.
[CNN report on mushrooms at bottom of post]

It's been over a year since my last shroom trip. I've decided to abstain for the time being. I still remember the last time well, and have shared the story with my close friends over the past year. It was actually the most productive as far as having an experience that could be called satori...or even "mushroom samadhi." That's probably something people would debate because of not being able to prove it before a zen master or something..i dunno what people would say...lol. They say to let go of these experiences as to not create images of them...but in hard times, the images and memories of that experience helps create peace in myself...by remembering it and the context/insights it produced.

The other times were also productive, but this last time produced a glimpse of forgetting my self....for however long it lasted. The feeling of "me" wasn't there. The perpetual creation of the presence of the "me"/self image/the thinker....wasn't there...it had stopped for however long. It was late at night, it was quiet, I was playing guitar. The notes of my guitar were playing so brilliantly...so alive...then it was noticed that the "me" wasn't there....only the notes, the hands playing guitar, the guitar,etc. "Where is it..where is that self-image??!!" In that one moment, a glimpse of what we're all doing in each moment was so clear. We've just been doing it since childhood, its difficult to stop it "on command" in order to get this glimpse, especially using thought to stop thought. That's like pushing an iron across the water's surface to still the waves. Meditation(watching the objects of awareness) is the usual method....if you want to use the word, method...for the goal. Everything was....and time stopped. It's all One and all things are vulnerable(edit: state of affairs as they are/change).

It was overwhelming...There had been pure experience without the "me" shadow as a part of present experience. I began to weep....for probably 20-30 minutes. I thought about my parents....everyone I knew in those moments after. All of our hopes, our dreams, everything we thought that we were...everything we held dear...we were all so vulnerable and innocent....my heart melted with compassion for everyone and everything. You cannot come away from an experience like that without being changed in some way.

Seeing the vulnerability, absolute innocence, and fragility of everyone and everything....in those moments you feel the words, "i am my brothers keeper," you feel & see that "we know not what we do." You feel a sense that you are "trusted" with seeing how our minds work, in order to be a caretaker of this world.....so to speak. As with all the other trips, you feel you've entered into the divine room...behind the divine curtain to see something special. You feel privileged...but of course, this is an interpretation of what happened...all of this is my interpretation of what happened.

What's encouraging is I recently have been reading other peoples' experiences and some were very similar to mine. I remember my first trip, everything seemed like it was nature....even floor tiles and man made things glimmered being of nature.........my friend's features looked like a troll or something from a storybook..everything was like a popup book sorta...the colors...its unlike anything you would ever experience normally. "Alice in Wonderland was apparently inspired by these things," I concluded. The Matrix movies made more and more sense... I even looked at my hand, the wrinkles of my knuckles inspired a thought that i was really a descendant of the reptiles...it was "so obvious that I was a cousin to the aligator!" I thought that my genetics were changing because the mushrooms were unlocking them somehow..lol. I was becoming more reptilian somehow...lol.

Those thoughts happen, just have to laugh them off. That first trip, I wasn't used to the body feeling, and no one told me about the "heavy" feeling and "upper body/face pressure" feeling you get on shrooms. So, my first time I panicked a little bit and had to lay down...but after a while, I decided i was going to enjoy it and stood up.. and settled into the body feeling thing that was going on. From then on, it was good. I layed down later that night with a big smile on my face........and woke up with a big smile on my face. I don't know why...i just had a big smile...like that cat from Alice in Wonderland. The days after all of the trips, I wrote my thoughts down. There was also the feeling of "what do I do now?" I wanted to share and talk about it A LOT......but its generally frowned upon in our society...which is a shame really.

Even Bill Hicks' description of his experiences remind me of my own. This is a Rare Video talking about Mushrooms. I wish he were still here, I'm really just finding out about him and he would fit right in with my friends and I for sure.

Also here's an MP3 of the same bit: http://www.jacobsm.com/hicks3.mp3 <--Download it!!!