hmmm

Just to post a not so clear blog, I'll blog journal style. I too, feel at times....the pressure to post a blog when my mind has a certain amount of clarity....as to not baffle or add to others' confusion in life. haha.....while reading a fellow blogger's page today we had a small discussion about this.

I'll just write here, to remind myself of things....as a meditation of sorts.
If my life was great, if i were a pretty boy who didn't have any inclination to question himself because he never had to, if things were easier.......I probably would not have gained interest in Eastern thought. For my life, Zen and the like.....the teachings that help us cut to the core of it without giving a belief that we "must" believe to gain a heaven or something. ....these things have kept me alive i think. There are many drugs out there that I was headed to abuse. So, Zen and the like has a different quality of meaning for myself. We all create a different sense of meaning, because its our story we're telling ourselves. I am telling myself a story all the time. That is "one hand clapping." The reason i say it that way is because there is a saying, "beware the one hand clapping," that is referring to only hearing one side of a story/issue.

• The reason we read or study zen or anything....sometimes we miss the reason because we're separating our intentions of studying the teachings......and our intentions studying ourselves. We don't catch that separation...because its subtle. So, remaining in the background is a set of unseen/unwatched/unstudied intentions. Do we study the teachings to make us feel better? Do we study ourselves to catch the things that we get hung up on? What are we looking for? Are we looking for something in the future? Or are we with the things in this moment? I say that we're all fighting to pay attention in our own lives and that's enough to worry about......studying our own self is enough.
  

We live and we learn. Live........then reflect.......live some more........then reflect.
Here are some human things about me:
I still complain about women and how fickle they are in WV. How they pick the jerks and shrug off men who treat them nice/decent. I still get involved in arguing about politics. ....especially about this health care issue. I have researched for many hours and have concluded what Wendell Potter has said, but didn't have to tell me. Although, hearing it from him excites the heck out of me. yes, I'm for a public option! I also get frustrated with Mormonism, Christian "vanity plate" syndrome(people calling themselves xians but not trying to live up to it, instead just decide falling short and saying they're saved and christian is enough to go around running their mouth about everyone else...looking down their nose at everyone). I fight to get inspired.....maybe I should just take the baby steps I've mentioned before. My discipline is out the window at this point, so its going to be a great uphill battle. However, with the many teachings, insights, and friends to mirror and share in my life....i think i can change my life and get back momentum. Things are different these days.

In the end, I know that all these things are dust bunnies.....but its our job to tend to It while we're here. Take care, start over from where you are any time....the present moment is all we ever have. Just keep starting over if need be.